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Released by: After Hours Cinema
Released on: 10/10/2010
Director: Various
Cast: Uschi Digard, Candy Samples, Rene Bond
Year: Various
Purchase From TLA
Released on: 10/10/2010
Director: Various
Cast: Uschi Digard, Candy Samples, Rene Bond
Year: Various
Purchase From TLA
The Filth:
Before there was VHS and DVD, there were loops, 8mm sexual oddities that presented quick, to the point sexual vignettes in filmed form for those who needed to scratch that itch. While the loops may have gone the way of the dinosaur, thankfully the good people at After Hours Cinema have put some effort into preserving the pornography of a bygone era, and here we have Sleazy 70s Stags, a collection of softcore loops featuring a couple of knowns and a whole lot of unknowns, all in various states of undress.
The loops included on this disc are:
Keli: This busty brunette who looks like she walked out of a 70s sitcom gets down to her undies and then teases us a bit before taking off her bra and showing off her rack. She lays back and plays with herself a little bit but doesn't go nearly as far as you might want her to. She's built right, though, you've gotta give her credit for that.
Maggie: This film follows an attractive busty blonde as she shows off her low cut dress and black stockings before playing with her boobs and showing off her curvy rump. She gets on her back and pretends to diddle herself but I'm not buying it. A for effort though, and B for boobs. Those are big ones.
Evenyt: This C-cupped cutie has a bit of a snaggletooth thing going on and looks odd in a black Stetson cowboy hat when her scene starts off. Soon enough, however, she's mauling her jugs and yanking down her gitch to show us what the good lord gave her. Even if her name looks like a typo you've gotta love her for her dedication to faux-masturbation and nipple play.
Dolly: This French Maid is on the curvaceous side but that's not a bad thing. Adorned with some nice dark hair she pleases herself through her outfit before pulling out the sweater puppies and taking them for a walk. It takes her a little while to get down to her birthday suit but once she does she has fun with it and we realize she's curvy in all the right places, even if she does have some sort of low budget prison tattoo on her teet.
Uschi: You don't need me to tell you about the wonders of Ms. Digard. The Swedish bombshell shows up here in a disco dress but that doesn't overstay its welcome as before you know it, she's down to her stockings or less. She shows off her T and her A and gives us quite a good tease before smiling into the camera and saying goodnight. Well not literally, you can't really tell if she's saying anything at all, but she does at least look into the camera.
Jaki: This California blonde looking dame has got legs to kill for and isn't afraid to show them off to the camera. She takes down her mini dress and lifts up her yellow top to remind us that all women are not created equal. Her fingers get a little more aggressive than those of her co-stars and evidently she enjoys pulling her nipples. Can't blame her, really.
Carla: Foxy dark sinned Carla has got a thick Robert Crumb style set of legs and an ass to match but is more interested in showing off her peppermint striped dress to start with. Once she gets naked she wiggles a lot and the camera can't seem to quite focus right but there's obviously a whole lot of nipple sucking going on and some big red earrings rocking the house.
Teree: This modestly chested (in comparison) lovely lady starts the scene in the middle of a self love session - you almost feel as if you're interrupting. At any rate, she loses what little clothing she's wearing and masturbates on all fours briefly until it's time to flop over, and then flop over again, and again. She flops a lot, this Teree. The end.
Julie: A dark haired hottie wiggles what jiggles for the camera and shows off her racktastic pair before slinking her way out of that black cocktail dress in order to smile a lot and show off a serious behemoth of a bush. She plays with her boobs and considers this a job well done, calling it a day as the loop comes to a close.
Edna: More attractive than her name would have you believe, this foxy brown mama has got a crazy look in her eyes as she snickers her way through this brief scene. A whole lot of lipgloss and some teeth that would chew you to shreds get more focus than the rest of her but we get some nice contrast with the dark skin and white lingerie.
Ginger: This gal might have red hair, it's kind of hard to tell because the loop is poorly shot and not in great shape. Either way, what is a FACT is that she's well built and a fan of tequila if the bottle on the table where she wiggles and giggles is anything to go by. She shows her hoots and her coot equal affection and does a weird sort of air hump move where she might be dry humping a ghost? I dunno, really. It made me laugh though, and bonus points for leaving the black heels on.
Margrit: If Spanish ladies with afros and bad tattoos are your kink, this is the loop for you. Margrit was probably attractive at one point and hasn't totally lost her looks by the time this loop was shot but does appear a bit worse for wear than some of her co-stars. What she lacks in looks she makes up for with dramatic kissy faces and more pouty lips than Paul Stanley has made in a life time. Boobage and bush are fondled with equal aplomb and the loop cuts to an abrupt end.
Mona: This blonde has the worst haircut you've ever seen, it looks like a helmet. Regardless, she takes her top off and we appreciate that but whoever the Hell cast this one was obviously out of money and her granny-panties prove it. She's not even trying and I think I had that couch as a hand me down from my mom when I went to college. Next!
Nori: This chick has a sort of Linda Blair thing going on, in that she's not bad looking at all but has odd chipmunk cheeks. She starts the scene with an odd green slinky boustier of some sort but soon gets naked and reminds us why boobs are great in the first place.
Sharon: I was secretly hoping this was Sharon Mitchell but it's not. However this gal has got jugs to spare and isn't afraid to show them off through her mesh shirt. That shirt hits the floor before you can say 'titty balls' however and then you wonder why she's bothering with that underwear at all since the crotch is cut completely out.
Joyce: Most of this loop is out of focus for the first minute or two but once the cameraman figures out what he's doing we're treated to a nice display of blonde ambition where a foxy little thing shows off what she's got that's hot. It's a tit-centric loop to be sure but her fingers do a bit of walking through the deep south before it's done and there's a rad bizarro world boobie dance about half way through that makes no sense. Flesh colored underwear is always a bad idea, however.
Uschi: Why hello there, Ms. Digard. Haven't we seen you before? Yes we have. That's ok though, I seem to remember we got along just fine. What have you got for us this time around? Giant jugs? Hmm. I dunno. Well, if you insist then I guess it's okay if you pretend to talk on the phone and masturbate. But only because you asked nicely. And while you're at it, why don't you tie your shirt up so that we can see your boobs? Or just loose it all together, that works too. Wait…. are you done on the phone? What? You don't know? Me neither. Ok, well while you're trying figure that out I think you should masturbate on the couch. Cool? Cool. Ok, you're done. Thanks for coming by. See you next time. Give the family my breast. Oops, sorry, Freudian slip. I meant best. Really.
Rene: The sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws, don't they? Buxom and beautiful Ms. Bond shows up in her loops to wiggle around on a well made bed. Her white slinky thing comes off and she fondles a feathered boa for reasons only the director knows. She plays with her shoe and has Farah Fawcett hair and then the loop ends rather abruptly.
Hellen: A Manfield-esque looking blonde shows off her good looks and clashing underwear in a loop that involves a lot of looking into the camera and appearing to be genuinely confused by whatever is being requested of her. She smiles a lot and has nice eye makeup and she wiggles unconvincingly around on the bed until things end for no real reason.
Ingrid: Hmm…. I bet with a named like Ingrid this chick is Swedish, right? It's actually kinda hard to tell from her nipples which get a lot of attention in this loop, later to be replaced by her pubic mound. When the camera does pull out we giggle at her bizarre colored wardrobe but do agree that she has a Scandinavian vibe to her looks. This is mostly nipples and bush, however, and while normally that would be fine this girl actually has an interesting face and is worth watching.
Carol: If this broad weren't nude you might think she was a he. There's a manly vibe to the facial features here, but hey, those aren't really given all that much attention which makes it easy to ignore them. She roles around on the bed and shows off some great legs and…. that's about it, she mostly just sort of wiggles.
Samantha: This pretty auburn haired gal shows off some nice features and fondles herself as we ponder the legitimacy of her eyebrows and whether they're real or not. She roles around on the bed a lot and shows off some impressive curves before the loop comes to a close.
Candy's Bedtime Story: Ms. Samples is wearing a whole lot of makeup in bed with her beaux as he heads downtown to check out the scene. He plays with her jugs and then mounts her and then she rides him for a bit. That's more or less it. Strictly softcore, kids.
Busty Lovers: Our collection finishes off with Uschi laying on the floor, naked, and then embracing Candy, whose tongue seems to be hanging out of her mouth. They make out and then hit the sack for some boobie loving followed by some bumping and grinding. A dude works his way into the mix and goes down on both parties and then they have a pretty rowdy three-way.
Video/Audio/Extras:
After Hours has done a fine job bringing these 1.33.1 fullframe transfers to new life on DVD. The films do show their age through a myriad of print damage, wear and tear. Don't go into this release expecting miracles, rather, keep your expectations in check. This is some pretty obscure material and to see it taken from film prints at all is, in itself, a minor miracle. Look past the print damage and the color fading or take it all in as part of the experience. Yeah, this stuff looks rough, but that's half the charm right there.
It's Dolby Digital Mono across the board, just as it should be. Keep in mind that since these are loops there isn't really a whole lot of dialogue going on in the first place - just some intro music and projector effects, really.
Aside from a menu offering us loop selection or a play all option, the disc contains a pretty good array of bonus trailers for other After Hours Cinema releases such as All The Sins Of Sodom, 2069: A Sexy Odyssey and more.
The Final Word:
If you're a fan of wacky 70s loops and big busted ladies, you can't really go wrong here. Sure the presentation is a little rough around the edges at times but it's got a retro/nostalgia vibe that goes a long way. This release provides enough entertainment and titillation that it's certainly worth a look for fans of golden age smut.
I had to put that non-wife thing in there, just in case the ol' battle axe ever decides to snoop into my internet life.