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Released by: Video-X-Pix
Released on: 4/6/2009
Director: Leon Gucci
Cast: Tammy, Tigr, Copper Penny, Ron Jeremy, John Boland
Year: 1984
Purchase from TLA Video
The Movie:
Two young ladies (supposedly VERY young, played by performers with single names) are dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to knowledge of the birds and the bees. Lolita (Tammy) is 13 years old, then later 14, then after that 13, and has no idea what's in store for her and her naughty bits. But she knows something is up because her mother says not to let boys see her pussy, even though she has no idea what a pussy is or what it does.
Her friend Tigr (played by Tigr) is also curious as to why she has these urges and feelings. After seeing her parents (K.C. Valentine and Ron Harper) slamming some serious ham she gets turned on as well as confused, and seeks counsel from her best friend, her horse. She tells the horse all about her urges and then tells the horse they are going to have some fun. Thankfully that just means touching herself without resorting to bestiality, which seems at one point where it was leading. Suddenly some dude named Randy catches her stirring the soup and sees an opportunity. He shows her his ding-dong and let's her know “girls like you suck on itâ€. So her very first encounter entails giving head, scratching the hell out of his back, taking it up the butt, and being sure to spin around to catch the pop-shot in her face. Randy is a good teacher.
Ron Jeremy enters the picture in overalls and a kerchief, catches hell from his maid girlfriend (Angel Burgeon) for heavy petting with the 13-year old Lolita, and then proves he only gets a boner for the maid. They screw. End of that scene which has nothing much to do with the rest of the story.
So little Lolita is really curious about sex, and she and Tigr have a discussion their parents couldn't seem to have with them, which ends in the picture's sole lesbian scene. Lolita is still confused and when she French kisses her own father (John Boland), thinking that was appropriate, the mother (Copper Penny) gets pissed. “No man kisses another woman the way you did, regardless of if its his daughter or not!†she yells. She's so upset that they have a genital battle right there in the living room.
Next, a traveling dildo salesman pays a visit to Lolita's mother who just so happens to be away in “the big city†for hours. What's in the suitcase, mister? The creep (Mike Filene) tells her one of the items is an electric thermometer, shows her how it works after tempting the barely teenaged girl with candy. Then he tells her his penis is also a thermometer and that she can have more candy if she'll let him demonstrate it on her. After all, he says, she does look feverish. The girl who has never seen a penis before gives an expert hummer, and then he pops her cherry. This turns her into an instant slut. An insurance man stops by, who happens to be Tigr's dad, so she gets it on with him. Then a friend of Lolita's dad shows up and she screws him too, then charges him $100. He seems ok with this and the film ends.
Lots of sex, a thin story, horrible slurping sound effects, cheesy dialogue…what's not to love about this one? The idea of the girls being underage is a little bit scummy, but they're 18 or over in real life. They have to be because the disclaimer during the end credits says so. The non-teen women are sexy enough to help make those racked with remorse not feel so creepy and the sex is mostly erotic enough so that it might be a decent couple's movie. Or maybe not. At any rate it's a fun watch even though it's absurd (actually the absurdity makes it a fun watch) and is the kind of movie that should appeal to those looking for something in porn other than wall-to-wall, storyless wankery.
Video/Audio/Extras:
The Erotic Adventures of Lolita is presented here by Video-X-Pix in 4:3 full frame and looks like it was taken from a film source rather than tape. There are little pieces of dirt here and there, but overall it looks pretty nice. There are a few areas where the colors look washed out, but mostly the colors look more than decent. It's well above satisfactory and looks quite clean, all things considered. A "Video-X-Px" bug appears once in a while, but it really isn't too bothersome. The audio is a 2.0 Dolby Digital track, although its certainly a mono track. Considering the age one imagines the source material to be, it sounds fine. No noticeable troubles to report. The looped slurping noises sound wonderful, as does the incredibly awful theme song that will haunt your dreams for a while (La-la-la-la, la-LA…Lolita). An overall pleasing transfer from the distributor.
The extras consist of a slide show (1:50), displaying images from other films, presumably from other VXP releases. Then two trailers (total of 6:55) that run back-to-back (Centerfold Fever with Annie Sprinkle, Sue Nero, Samantha Fox; and Fascination with Ron Jeremy, Sharon Mitchell, and introducing Tracey Adams!). Both trailers look like awesome movies. Then finally there is another installment of “Conversations with Ron Jeremyâ€, as seen on other VPX releases such as The Honey Wilder Collection, which runs four minutes and 23 seconds. Covered this episode: “How did you get into pornâ€, “Ron on famous Fascination blowjob scene†, “Ron on Madonna in the early daysâ€, What were some differences between NY and LA?â€, “Ron on Inside Sekaâ€, and “Ron on tricks of the tradeâ€. Good stuff.
The Final Word:
A solid release from the people at VXP, The Erotic Adventures of Lolita may not be in the upper echelon of classic porno, but it certainly is a fun flick worth seeking out.
