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Released by: Wild Eye Releasing
Released on: 10/19/2010
Director: Bill Zebub
Cast: dolls
Year: 2006
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The Movie:
George W. Bush wants to be immortal. In order to do so he has to turn himself into a vampire, but it has to be the original vampire. Said vampire is Jesus Christ. That's seems to be the basic plot of this movie and it doesn't get much deeper than that, nor make much sense. There're lots of subplots that go nowhere and what results is an uninteresting jumble of lameness. This movie appears to be made by a couple of guys who thought that this story, performed by dolls, would be funny and captivating. It could be, but the version they made is not funny. Not at all. It desperately tries to push the boundaries of taste and works really hard to be offensive. It might be offensive to someone who doesn't watch anything more mean spirited than The Hallmark Channel programming, and to most anyone else it probably wouldn't come across as anything more than plain stupid.
An example of unfunny humor: The pope is caught taking a crap in the woods, wearing his hat. This answers the age-old questions “does a bear shit in the woods?†and “does the pope wear a big hat?†all in one swoop…and it isn't funny.
Some examples of the “extreme†or “offensive†material: Jesus Christ fellating a crucifix with his likeness on it. Osama Bin Laden torturing and skinning the Pope alive. Women being raped, murdered, hacked up, and impaled. Yes, all these things can be offensive, or upsetting, but using dolls makes it not offensive at all. It should make it comical, but they fail to do so.
The tiny budget can be overlooked. The technical abilities can be overlooked. The awful computer effects can be overlooked. The cheap way out of using dolls can be overlooked. Heck they don't even need to be overlooked; they should be embraced. But the lack of story, humor, and creativity, things necessary for a movie of this nature, is not so easily overlooked. The lack of any real humor, satire, or clever parody sinks this ship right from the start. Also the prolonged scenes of displaying carnage and mayhem, set to death metal music, is painful and boring. The entire movie is a chore to sit through, even at a short 70 minutes.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Shot with looks like a plain old video recorder anyone can get at department store, Dolla Morte actually looks fine: what anyone can expect from an average quality recorder. The 4:3 Full Frame aspect ratio doesn't detract from what's going on, nor make the movie a less pleasurable watch. It's not a pleasurable watch at all, but the video quality is better than it deserves to be. No disc errors to report. The audio is 2.0 Dolby Digital. The balance sounds ok, other than the fact that it sounds really loud. The volume may need to be turned down a lot lower than with the average disc. Not sure why this is, but other than that, no technical issues were noticed.
There are no bonus features. The only extra material besides the feature are trailers for other Wild Eye releases: Blitzkrieg, The Bloody Ape, Goth Kill, The Electric Chair, Gold, and Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated (that one looks interesting).
The Final Word:
Skip it. The movie is awful and not in the awesome way. The extras add no value to the disc.
