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Virgin Nymph Grindhouse Triple Feature

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  •  
    Todd Jordan
    Smut is good.

  • Virgin Nymph Grindhouse Triple Feature


    Released by: After Hours Cinema
    Released on: 12/7/2010
    Director: see review
    Cast: see review
    Year: see review
    Purchase From TLA Video

    The Movie:

    After Hours Cinema deliver a swell collection of 70s bawdiness with their Virgin Nymph Grindhouse Triple Feature. Three very different movies with which to pollute your home theater.

    Innocent Girl (1975) director not credited; starring Julie Hopkins, Janet Gaut; aspect ratio 1.78:1; running time 57minutes 2 seconds. A young girl from Kansas City, Missouri makes her way to the Big Apple for whatever reason, and expects to meet her boyfriend there. Instead of her boyfriend she meets a skinny black guy who happens to be a pimp, but she doesn't know this. He tells her he can find some work for her, and give her a place to stay. What a nice stranger! She takes his number, but her boyfriend comes along and takes her away. He tells her the guy is bad news and to forget she ever met him. Unfortunately, things at the boyfriend's apartment aren't so great, and after they argue they screw.


    \

    Meanwhile (actually, before we get into the heavy plot that was just explained), one of the pimp's hookers is working a trick. Her john is a weirdo. First they wash each others genitals, then the guy gets on a swing over the bed. Stuff happens. He can't quite get it up so he fucks a blow-up doll's face in order to get wood, then humps the ho'. Afterwards she splits the scene. She wants out of the hooking game.




    The Kansas City chick decides the boyfriend and his apartment are not for her so she calls the pimp and he gives her a hotel address. Once she gets there he takes advantage of her. She likes it, and still has no clue what is happening. He leaves, and two guys come into the room and take advantage of her too. Actually it a guy and a woman dressed to look like a guy (and not at all convincingly) complete with a mustache and an afro. The never KC Girl know that the other guy is a lady, and is shocked when the “man” starts giving the real guy head. And it is kind of disturbing to watch her wearing her mustache, sucking dick. At least it is if you're not used to seeing what appears to be gay sex (but of course isn't). They move on to KC Ho' and screw her, then leave. Runaway Ho' comes back, tells KC Ho' where she is and what is happening to KC Ho' and then the boyfriend enters the scene. In the big non-finale boyfriend punches pimp in the guy and gets away with KC Ho' and Runaway Ho'.




    The sex is ugly, and not at all erotic. The players are all skeezy. This one has lots of variety in the sex department (interracial, doll porking, cross-dressing chick, a lot of anal), but none of it is worth paying attention to. There are lots of weird edits that don't help things along in any way, and whoever made this movie really liked to view dude's bags and corn holes, because they are prominently featured on display thoughout the picture. It's just bad porno, and not in the good way. It does have a fair amount of 70s New York footage which is always fun to look at, but that barely gives it any points.




    Young Nymphs (1973) directed by Ralph Lander; starring Kim Pope, Cindy West; aspect ratio 1.78:1; running time 1 hour 3 minutes. “We live in an age of anxiety…” the professional voice tells the audience. “This is a story of today's mixed-up personalities. A typical investigation into deviant sexual psychosis.” It seems that this anonymous expert in sexual psychology has lots to say in front of his plaid backdrop and proceeds to tell the story of Kitty and Kathy, two cousins who grew up together with their strict aunt and are now nymphomaniacs. The good doctor continues his spiel throughout the movie with the girls sometimes talking as though they were in a real therapy session. Really, that's the whole story behind the movie.




    Most of the sex is soft core with hardcore inserts by actors who are CLEARLY different than the soft core actors. There are a couple of spots where we see some BJ action and some doggie style humping but for the most part the sex is dry humping. But that's ok, because the movie is a riot and very entertaining just the same.

    The doc goes on to explain the women are frigid as well and nymphos, so they can't get off no matter how much they try. “The cult of frigidity had appeared and claimed two more victims” he tells us. Among some other nuggets of knowledge the good doctor imparts upon the audience include “masturbation causing insanity is somewhat true, but it is the guilt associated with it that drives people insane.” And also, “female homosexuality is becoming an increasingly important problem.” This doctor knows shit. “Lesbians are essentially sick individuals.” It must be true…he's a doctor and speaks with authority.



    Aside from the doctor spouting off sex ed crap from the 1950s, the music in this baby is just as wonky. Some of it is made up of some great grooves that are no doubt used without permission, but then they use music that sounds like its from the 1930s or 40s, maybe something you'd hear in The Little Rascals. It sounds like circus music sometimes too. And sharp ears will no doubt pick up some music that was also used in The Shining (not the opening credits music, but something used later on in that film). And the sound effects they sometimes use are a riot too. There are only three cum shots in the whole movie and when they happen an explosion is heard. And there's a scene that shows a guys face as he's supposedly getting a hummer. The scene goes on for a minute and a half, just showing his face, while some horrid sucking and licking sounds are going on. It sounds like a dog cleaning its paws. It probably is. And right at the end of the 90 seconds, Dr. Dumfuck says “This deception went on for some time…” He was talking about something else, pertaining to the amazing "investigation" he was conducting, but it fits perfectly. It's simply ridiculous.




    There's actually no hardcore intercourse without the use of insert shots until the 47 minute mark (and what an awesome tune that plays during it), but that only lasts a minute. The inserts used are ugly and look horrible, the continuity (what's continuity?) is out the window, and this movie is probably the most non-porn porno ever to assault this writer's senses. But the doctor, the sound effects, and the music make this an absolute blast to watch. This one should be required viewing for all fans of “so bad its rad” movies.




    The Candy Store (1972) director is not credited; no one is credited in this movie, but it stars Candy Samples; aspect ratio 1.78:1; running time 54 minutes 43 seconds. A young woman (Betty? Deb? Teresa? Who cares?) enters Madame Candy's brothel looking to be a prostitute. Madame Candy (Candy Samples, of course) introduces her to the other whores and gives her the low down on the job. Wouldn't you know it, a customer enters the room right away and new girl is swept off into a bedroom and gets right down to it. But she gives lousy head and Candy barges in and shows her how it's done, complete with badly looped sucking noises.




    Enter customer number two. He chooses a busty chick and off they go. The bad sucking noises continue, enhanced by polio vaccination scars. This tan-lined babe knows what she's doing and Candy stays out of it. Later, Candy uses the first customer to help her punish one of the girls for taking money. They tie her to a bed (which takes forever) and Candy whips the girl's bare ass. The dude gets turned on so starts in on the bound lass, and Candy tells him not to let her enjoy it because she is being punished. “Oh she'll get a beating” the man assures Candy, and Candy seems satisfied with that. Apparently Candy gets turned on too because she then gives him a knob job.




    The richest man in Tijuana pays a visit to the brothel. He brings his sister in tow, of which he proclaims is a virgin, and she is for sale. Apparently the richest man in Tijuana needs to pimp out his sister. Candy addresses his reasons for selling his sister ,and he says he has to pay his taxes. $3000 does the trick. And it so happens a fella is right there on the couch and offers $1000 to deflower the non-Mexican sister. They shuffle away, but before you know it Candy is peeking in on them and getting turned on again. The girl cries and fights the sex act, and Candy steps in and smooths it all over.




    Dawn is approaching and an exhausted Candy cleans up from the night's business. But she's still horny so grabs a dildo, but before she really does anything with it, some guy comes in to take care of her. Two more girls join in, and then the landlord shows up. He takes flesh instead of cash apparently and joins in on the orgy. The end.

    This one was ok. The music is funny and totally out of context at times. It's nice to see Candy Samples younger, and even though she's the mature motherly type to the girls, she can't be more than in her mid-30s. She looks great and shows her goods, but alas, doesn't really get down. Just some oral action and that's it. The rest of the girls look decent, some attractive, and the sex is pretty good too. A definite must-see for fans of Ms. Samples, but with no other real reason to delve into this one. It's straight sex, with dumb dialogue and a flimsy story. Typical 70s shot-for-cheap porn, but with the big-boobed Candy at center stage as its attraction.




    Video/Audio/Extras:

    Well, there's not much to say about the video quality other than its poor. Not the DVD quality, but the source material itself, which is heavily marked with lots of dirt and scratches. The color is washed out, and sometimes shows too much red, like in Innocent Girl. But there are no disc defects to report and for what its worth the dirty and scratched image is just par for the course with a lot of these old smut movies. Just getting to see them is a treat in itself. The audio is on the same level as the image. Pops, hisses, cut-outs, echo chamber effect. Young Nymphs suffers from high and low volume levels. As with the picture, the sound problems more than likely have everything to do with the source material and nothing to do with the transfer. The sound is never a distraction though. Most fans of these types of movies expect and embrace such qualities in old porn.




    The extras are simply a few trailers: Slutty Stewardesses, Honeymoon Suite, and Grindhouse Virgin 2. All are trailers for other collections by After Hours. That's it for extras. They're supplying three movies on one disc, so there's nothing to whine about.




    The Final Word:

    Virgin Nymph Grindhouse Triple Feature offers a trio of cheaply made, vintage dirty movies representing both coasts. A dud, a straight forward porn with a legendary bust queen, and an absolutely riotous “educational” porno. Yeah that's two out of three, but Young Nymphs is so fucking awesome it makes up for the one stinker…in spades! Pick this one up!

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