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Panting at the Opera

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  •  
    Todd Jordan
    Smut is good.

  • Panting at the Opera



    Released by: Video-X-Pix
    Released on: 3/10/2009
    Director: Monica Fitta (Joe Sarno)
    Cast: Tanya Foxx, Cara Lott, Michelle Gabriel, Lisa Gabriel, Rick Savage
    Year: 1988
    Purchase from TLA Video

    The Movie:

    A movie theater has a curse that was laid upon it in the 1920s. The grandfather of one Miss Darcy told her about an accident that left a theater worker disfigured. He cursed the theater and disappeared. But after that, the sound of a recorder would come from the bowels of the earth and become so high-pitched that it could not be heard by the human ear. But…females could feel the vibrations in their clits and the women would throw themselves at the nearest man. How is that a curse?


    The theater's janitor theater has a room in the sub-basement and the ventilator leads from the upstairs bedroom of the theater (theaters with bedrooms?) right down to his room so he can hear all the action going on. “Stereophonic air ducts” as he says in his little monologue to no one.

    Within three minutes of running time the noise is heard and the pounding commences.


    Lo-and-behold, the guest of the current theater owner has psychic powers and her mission is finding the liar of the fiend that haunts the theater. Miss Darcy's sister (twin) wants to sell the place, but no one wants to buy the theater because of the curse. If they can get rid of it, they can sell it. She has some real estate people with her, but they all fall victims to the curse. The janitor wants to use the curse to his advantage and so dresses up as a phantom and plays a recorder to entrance women so he can plug them with his janitor dink. But he also gets his kicks making other people screw each other. Eventually he gets the sisters together and they both agree on one thing: he has a big pee-pee.


    This one is straight-up 80s porn with all the action taking place on the same two sets. It's pretty dopey throughout and the sex is marginal. Plenty of lesbian romps and threesomes, but it's all quite generic. The acting is atrocious, but there's lots of good 80s cheese to behold, from the makeup and hair, to the music and video effects. We never get to see the sisters working together until a quick meeting at the end, which is a good thing really. Real incest is not a turn on (for most, one would imagine). From a director who delivered so many good ones, this effort falls short. Way short.


    Video/Audio/Extras:

    This shot-on-video feature is shown here with a 4:3 aspect ratio. It looks like a decent tape transfer, but its nothing stellar. Colors look a bit washed out, the black levels are all over the place, and the image is muddy. The disc authoring seems fine, as no artifacts are present. There is a Video-X-Pix bug that shows up in the corner from time to time but it isn't obnoxious and doesn't stay for long. The audio is a 2.0 Dolby Digital track (although sounds mono) with no issues to report. The balance seems fine and everything is clear.


    The extras are few, but consistent with other Video-X-Pix releases. First is a couple of trailers: Every Inch A Lady, and Hot Honey (with black bars hiding the naughty bits). Then a two-minute slide show, and lastly a four and a half-minute interview with Ron Jeremy.


    The Final Word:

    Meh. There's a lot worse out there, and its 80s porn which is always welcomed. Just don't expect to be blown away by this one.

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