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Released by: Video-X-Pix
Released on: 8/18/2006
Director: Bill Milling (as Bill Eagle)
Cast: Susanna Britton, Jonathan Ford, Jaqueline Lorians, Loni Saunders, Ron Jeremy
Year: 1982
Purchase from TLA Video
The Movie:
The movie starts with Jungle Jane running from some unseen creature through ruins of some sort, while a deep-voice narrates. She runs into a temple and finds a sex ritual being conducted. They throw her in a cage to watch and The Blonde Goddess describes everything with poetic nonsense. (“Fondle, squeeze, caress…the fire glows in the loins of Heavenâ€). After she witnesses some squishiness they tie her down to a table to rape her. In her pleas for mercy she screams she is a virgin and that makes them decide to sacrifice her. But just before the knife plunges into her flesh, a broke-ass Indiana Jones by the name of Louisiana Smith comes to the rescue.
But hold on…that's just a fantasy. Some geek named Elmo put all his co-workers into his story. He's a comic book artist at Marble Comics having a tough time with the Comics Code Authority. Their representative is upset with his provocative artwork. No time for that though because he has another fantasy set in World War I with him as flying ace Johnny Yank in a dog fight with the Red Baron Ron Jeremy. After Elmo is shot down, he gets snatched up by two local French girls. One screws him and one screws Ron Jeremy, with his version of a German accent. Blondie shows up again, but nothing happens.
Next is a story about a private dick named Jack Hammer and it's shown as film noir. The theme of this one is everyone is after the Abudabi Dildo. Blondie shows up again for some black-and-white action. Then Elmo is Tony Steele, construction worker and exo-biologist. Some chick shows up again and the two of them are whisked off in a Diolian transport ray from Acteer-5. Seems Tony's arch-enemy Megizod the Galactic Panderer was up to his old tricks. And those tricks involved lesbo action. Steele's woman gets thrown into the mix for a three way munch fest. More meat slappin' ensues when some dongs come into it. Finally Steele shows up and fucks his girl after he punches out Megizod. But the evil one isn't through yet. He takes the gravity away and the two end up having weightless sex. Slow-motion acting and a sideways camera help to make that a reality. After his editor balls the Comics Code lady, Elmo goes back to his original fantasy as Louisiana Smith he finally gets to bang the Blonde Goddess.
What an ambitious fuck film. Dressed sets and special effects that are both cheesy but work all the same. This is an anthology of sorts all in the head of a dorky comic book artist, and the movie makers deliver a number of genres: the Saturday serial, a war epic, film noir, and sci-fi. None of it makes a whole lot of sense and that doesn't matter. When there's no sex on the screen, there's lots to look at, and when the sex is on the screen, it's pretty hot.
The end credits make the claim this was filmed in New York, France, Mexico, and England. How many porno films can make that kind of claim? Who knows if they really shot some over seas? It'd be interesting to find out. The acting is on par for what one would expect from a movie of this type, with some performers better than others, but all in all it's fine. Blonde Goddess moves along at a good pace from start to finish and entertains throughout. The sex scenes are not of the marathon type which helps keep things moving. This movie is what porn should be all about. From the man who made the women-in-prison flick Caged Fury and the awesome adult film Delicious.
Video/Audio/Extras:
The movie is shown here with a 4:3 full frame aspect, from what looks to be a tape source. It looks okay, but could look better. It's watchable though and the average quality is in no way a distraction. The audio is a 2.0 channel Dolby track, but sounds like mono. Probably is. No disc authoring issues to mention. The only extras are a few trailers: Roommates, Babylon Blue, and Inside Seka.
The Final Word:
Just plain fun porn. This one must have some stories behind it and it would be interesting to hear from some of the people involved in making it. Hey Distribpix…if you're looking for your next title for the Platinum treatment, consider this one. It's awesome. Blonde Goddess should sit proudly amongst your collection.
