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Released by: Impulse Pictures
Released on: May 8, 2012.
Director: Ernst Hofbauer
Cast: Sandra Atia, Astrid Boner, Rolf Castell, Elke Deuringer, Wolf Ackva, Puppa Armbruster
Year: 1974
The Movie:
The eighth trip back to the well that was the Schoolgirl Report series finds director Ernst Hofbauer once again exploring very familiar territory, that territory being fetching and attractive young ladies frequently in various states of undress and caught in rather compromising positions. Like the seven films in the series that precede it, What Parents Must Never Know… attempts to disguise itself as a film of some moral standing by presenting its batch of as cautionary tales, purporting to warn concerned parents about the dangers that their own young, nubile daughters could very well face as they blossom into womanhood and strut around in hot mini-skirts and go-go boots. That aspect of the film doesn't work. Where earlier entries at least tried to frame things with man on the street interviews and input from supposed experts on sexuality, this entry (released in the US in a slightly trimmed version as Naughty Coeds) just gets right to the point and doesn't even pretend to take any moral high ground.
As it was with the earlier movies, so it is with this one - the series is bookended by a conversation between a few schoolgirls who discuss their various sexual escapades and as they discuss them, we mystically and magically travel back in time to see them play out right before our very eyes. This time around our 'schoolgirls' (all appear to be in their thirties) hope on a bus to journey out into the country for a school trip to a hostel of some sort. Why they're going there doesn't really matter, what matters is they're hot and horny and ready to go, as all good German schoolgirls in their early thirties tend to be.
Our first story comes courtesy of Gisela (Christine Szenetra) who tells her tale of her attempts to seduce Rolf (Werner Singh, a much younger man she knew (who looks to be closer to forty than she is). Despite her very obvious amorous intentions, he'd rather pretend to suck the teets of his wall sized Christina Lindberg poster and masturbate to nudie magazines - but when she walks in on him, meat in hand, she eventually starts to change his mind. Our next schoolgirl, Annette, talks about her unexpected pregnancy. Now at the end of his first trimester, she doesn't know what to do. The father, a med student named Jurgen) wants her to keep the baby and also interrupts the trip for a little alone time. The biggest problem is that Annette doesn't quite know how to tell her parents the news. The third story tells how Jutta (Sandra Atia) and Evi made a wager with fellow student Hans (Jurgen Schilling) that he wouldn't be able to get the sexy but bookwormish biology teacher in the sack. He takes the bet and sets out to make his conquest - but Jutta and Evi are up to some tricks and aren't going to make it easy for him. The best story finds cousins Gaby (Marianne Dupont) and Uschi (Marisa Feldy) out for some skinny dipping fun. As they warn one another not to pee in the lake for fear of making the fish horny, a dirty old man watches them and once they're in the water, steals their clothes. They lead him on a chase through the woods and then come across some dudes skinny dipping too, but their attempt to steal the guys' clothes soon turns into a quick excuse for some high quality boffing. Next, Susanne (Yvonne Dwyer) talks about how she had to screw her dad's boss to help him keep his job but is surprised when he tells her that he's actually fallen quite in love with her. It all finishes up by tying itself into the opening scene as we see student Evi (Puppa Armbruster) finally muster up the courage to make her move on the dreamy new biology teacher accompanying them on the trip, Mr. Steinbach (Claus Tinney). He wants nothing to do with her, however, noting that he could serve time for playing with her the way she wants to play with him. When, shortly later, Evi spies Steinbach with Inge (Gisela Schwartz), Evi decides to tie Steinbach into poor Annette's plight to get back at him!
Once again, Gert Wilden's excellent score is recycled throughout the movie (fans of the series should invest in the CD available from Crippled Dick Hot Wax) nicely, it's one of those bits of music that you can't really get tired of, particularly when it's presented the way it is here, adding to the playfulness of it all. Story wise, there's not much here that you won't see coming and it's pretty simple to figure out where most of the vignettes are going to go before they get there, but you'll have good time regardless. From the very seventies fashions to the wonderfully cavalier attitudes towards promiscuity and free love, this is a good mix of the sexy and the hilarious. By mixing in cartoon style sound effects during the sequence where the stranger chases the naked girls through the woods to the fact that most of the actresses are more likely in their thirties then their teens, this is ninety minutes of good clean dirty softcore fun.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Impulse's 1.66.1 anamorphic widescreen transfer is pretty decent even if it isn't completely pristine, though the first few minutes are really, really washed out. A fine coat of natural film grain is present throughout the film as are some occasional instances of really minor print damage in the form of specs and tiny scratches. None of this is particularly distracting but it is there. Color reproduction looks a bit faded but is otherwise okay while the black levels are closer to grey at times. Detail is alright for the most part, but it won't blow you away.
The German language Dolby Digital Mono track, which comes with optional English subtitles, has a little bit of background hiss here and there but you probably won't notice it unless you're specifically listening for it. Aside from that, this is a decent, well-balanced track that delivers completely audible dialogue and a nice score.
Like all of the other releases so far in this line up, the only extras are a static menu screen and chapter selection. Aside from that, this DVD is barebones.
The Final Word:
If you liked the entries that came before, you're pretty much guaranteed to dig this eighth entry in the series. Schoolgirl Report Volume 8 doesn't reinvent the wheel or send the series in any sort of new direction but it gives you what you want - pretty girls in the buff, screwy comedy, and mild bits and pieces of completely unconvincing melodrama. Anyone with a passing interest in vintage European sex films ought to get a big kick out of this disc.
