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Released by: After Hours Cinema
Released on: 1/12/2012
Director: Various
Cast: Jamie Gillis, Harry Reems
Year: The Seventies
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The Movies:
After Hours Cinema once again digs deep into the vaults to unleash three no budget quickies rescued from the depths of obscurity and now presented in rough and tumble shape for your viewing pleasure on DVD. This time around, the theme is 'the family that lays together, stays together' but anyone looking for any sort of deep, meaningful insight into the world of incest had best just keep on walking. This is balls to the wall sleaze, not a single redeeming quality anywhere to be found!
SEX MAD FAMILY:
Our first sleazy feature starts off with a father telling his daughter Bernadette that he and her mom are going out and that she'll have to stay with Francia - the daughter complains, but that's life. She kisses the picture of Donnie Osmond on the magazine on the bed stand and then we cut to the stepdad telling the mom how spoiled her kid is. Cue a random shot on the daughter sliding down the banister! The parents talk about PTA functions and how they vary in importance compared to Saturday golf, and then we go back to the girl on the banister, rubbing herself up on it and having a great time.
From here we see Francia's dad telling her to be nice to Bernadette because they are going to be left alone for the afternoon. From here we see Francia's dad hanging out with a blonde dominatrix - he's not golfing at all! They screw and he kisses her feet at her command - she dominates him and takes control. Meanwhile, Francia and Bernadette are left to their own devices, at which point they decide to compare body parts - we know where this is going and soon enough the girlies are rubbing up and having a great time. Things get even more complicated when Francia's father shows up at Bernadette's place and is greeted by her mother, naked and fingering herself on the same banister Bernadette is so fond of. They go at it too.
A 'cute looking boy' named Marvin shows up as the two teenage girls are in the midst of it and Marvin claims to remember Francia - apparently he barfed all over her skirt and she complained about it. He tells her she's 'alright' and how memorable her melons are. Francia and Marvin get it on while Bernadette plays with herself. Marvin busts a nut and takes off and then Francia's dad shows up and catches them nude. Bernadette decides to take advantage of him and he proclaims 'what is becoming of the youth of today!' He protests but soon enough Bernadette has got his wang down her throat and he more or less shuts up. The end!
This movie isn't very good at all but it's amusing enough in its awfulness. The fuzzed out guitar heavy soundtrack, which clips in and out and doesn't sound very good, adds to the atmosphere a bit and the story does at least try to bust up some taboos, so that makes it stand out a bit. The performances, from a cast of unknowns, are wooden and awkward but the dirty bits are at least performed with some moderate enthusiasm.
CURIOUS WOMEN:
Our second feature is a little more polished. A man named Hans with a bad fake European accent tells a moderately attractive brunette named Frida that he's got something he wants her to take to a girl not yet named. He wants her to take them to her to make amends for how he 'went bananas' the night before. Evidently he did something he regrets but he notes that he did it for her own good. The brunette enters the bedroom of a young blonde - this is Hans' niece, and she notes that last night she ripped his clothes off. Apparently he doesn't believe in fancy things so he's bought her some more appropriate clothes to wear around the house. Blondie, her name is Inga, takes a bath and the brunette watches through the door and plays with herself.
After the bath, they sit down and talk about Selma's cathouse in town over breakfast. Hans has apparently headed over there for some fun. Cut to a purple tinted flashback to what happened about a year ago: she was spying on Hans as he peed in the woods and got so turned on by his pee that she had to play with her boobies! Then we see her in bed playing with herself and thinking about Hans peeing. What? Eventually Hans comes into the room and she gives him head and after he finishes, he just walked out. Since then, nothing has happened between the two of them and it was never brought up again. From there the conversation turns to Inga's exploits. She mentions having only done it once, but with three boys. She also notes how she likes to play with candles. They decide together that they should get Hans really worked up when he gets back from the cathouse. Instead, the two ladies tell Hans they are going into town to see a movie but instead they wind up at a bar called The Square Lemon where they pick up two guys. They wind up in a hotel room where they all fuck. From there they head over to Selma's Cathouse where Selma tells them the night before Hans was like a bull getting it for the first time. Here we flashback to that night as Hans gets it one with a nice looking blonde. It turns out Selma's theory is the reason Hans was so worked up last night was because Inga, who is only fifteen, is turning him on way too much. Selma offers to set up Inga and Frida as employees - and then we very abruptly cut to a cemetery, apparently Hans just died. Ok. That was sudden. Now that Inga and Frida have the place to themselves, they decide to work as prostitutes to pay the bills, but not before having a nice one on one lesbian session together. From there they put on a few shows at Selma's place for money. Jamie Gillis shows up and wanks off while they make out and then Harry Reems shows up and screws Selma at the poolside. But this is going to end very poorly, because Frida has decided that Inga is hers and hers alone…
The twist ending on this one is cool and done with some awesome overacting. The sex scenes in this are decent too, fairly natural and not feeling particularly forced or fake. The girls all look good and it's cool to see Gillis and Reems show up here in supporting roles. The movie isn't all that interesting on a technical level and it definitely jumps around a lot, it's horribly edited, but at least the story is moderately interesting. The guy who plans Hans (no one is credited here) is awesome, his fake European accent good for a few laughs.
COUSIN PAULINE:
Last but not least, our last feature opens with some quick overhead stock footage shots of a European city that looks like Paris. From here we zoom right into some lady's beaver as some dude is boning her. The audio is bad and hard to understand, racked with hiss, but he's telling her how good it feels and she's mumbling something in a fake accent. Another guy shows up and this turns into a three way on a red leather couch
Once they finish up an American girl talks to some guy about not having seen someone since she was fourteen. The audio is so bad we can't really easily decipher who they are talking about. She's nervous but he says 'I'll be there to protect you like this' at which point he jams his tongue down her throat and starts fondling her. They go at it and then we see another couple outside of the Eifel Tower. This is the day the woman has been waiting for a long time, she's the cousin of the chick who just boned the protective guy, and apparently that chick got an inheritance that this older woman would like a piece of. They all get together and have a talk about visiting Paris, and about how crowded the airport is. Later the older woman admits to her boy toy that she has some plans and then we cut to a night time scene in which she makes the moves on the protective guy. Cue a poorly light sex scene set to some library music and some random footage of people on the streets just sort of hanging out. I guess we've moved on to the next day. Protective guy and American Woman are wandering around Paris enjoying accordion music, buying flowers and eating pastries. They buy some postcards and head back - where the older woman has got a few dudes lined up, nude and ready! It seems our poor American girl has been drugged and they are going to gangbang her and maybe snap a few pictures for good measure. The rest of the movie is just those guys fucking her as she's out of it, it turns out this is a blackmail scheme but there's a twist at the end that we shall not spoil here!
This one is tough to get through not because it's bad, on a technical level at least it might be the best of the three movies, but because the audio is in very, very poor shape and a lot of the dialogue is tough to make out. This makes large portions of the plot tough to decipher and tricky to understand. It's moderately interesting as far as the story goes, at least the filmmakers tried to come up with something here to stage the sex scenes around, and there are a few spots where they try and occasionally succeed in creating some atmosphere, but yeah, it's in such bad shape that it takes a lot of the fun out of it.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Each of the three movies is presented in its original 1.33.1 fullframe aspect ratio and transferred from film. They haven't been fully restored so expect a fair bit of print damage and plenty of visible scratches but that doesn't really detract from the experience much. Colors are faded and black levels all over the place but if the elements are in rough shape, at least the disc is fairly well authored and not plagued by compression artifacts or edge enhancement problems.
The audio is on par with the video, in that it's rough but serviceable considering the origins of the films and the materials available to work with. Each of the three English language Dolby Digital Mono tracks has some hiss and some audible cracking in spots but most fans of this material won't mind so much - the exception being the third film, which sounds horrible.
Extras are limited to trailers for a few other After Hours Cinema releases, menus and feature selection.
The Final Word:
Not the greatest in After Hours' Grindhouse Triple Feature line, this is still amusing enough and filthy enough that those who geek out over skuzzy, sleazy low budget seventies porn ought to get a kick out of it.