• Cottage, The

    Released by: Entertainment One
    Released on: 10/9/2012
    Director: Chris Jaymes
    Cast: David Arquette, Kristen Dalton, Victor Browne, Morissa O'Mara, Alana O'Mara
    Year: 2012
    Purchase from Amazon

    The Movie:
    A seemingly well-to-do family are looking to rent out a cottage on their property to help with out with the bills. Michael (Victor Browne) and his wife Chloe (Kristen Dalton) share the house with not only their baby, but also with Michael’s daughters from another mother, Danielle and Rose (sisters Morissa and Alana O’Mara). The girls do not like their stepmother (their own mother passed away), nor the fact that she boned their old man, and so there’s the whole rift-in-the-family thing going on.

    Romance novelist Robert Mars (David Arquette) moves in and immediately reveals himself to be a creep. But they need the money (they do?) and so he stays renting the cottage that sits mere yards from their own house. Seems Robert Mars has more on his plate than just being a writer of sappy crap, and his terrorizing the family seems to have a real purpose, at least for him. And perhaps another character too.

    Man…it would be so easy to rip into this movie and complain about the tedious and uninteresting build up to the big reveal. Or to point out all the really dumb things people do in this movie. Or mention how tame this movie is, being a “thriller” and all, minus any elements that might interest the horror crowd. Or discuss the cookie-cutter nature of this movie, which looks like assembly-line television studio stuff which could have been made 30 years ago and not been any lamer.

    Instead, we’ll take the higher road and say that the performances in the movie are average but solid. Arquette isn’t really the menacing type, and his goofy personality can’t be stifled with his attempts being evil, but he still does a good job with being the antagonist. Good news if you like your maniacal housemate movies to be merely sprinkled with blood, you’ll appreciate the lack of bloodshed in this film. And even better news for those who dislike nudity. There isn’t any, so sit down and enjoy this little skinless wonder. Unless of course, if you consider Arquette’s underwater stunt double’s butt to be nudity, because then you shall witness said offensive nudity. You’ve been warned.

    The disc present’s the film with a 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen picture. There’s plenty of sharp detail and nice vibrant colors to behold, with pretty strong blacks. Noticeable aliasing occurs from time to time, which isn’t a real big distraction, but when the movie blows, the eyes tend to wander and glaze over so that stuff stands out. The audio is available as a 5.1 Dolby Digital track or a 2.0 Dolby Digital track. Things sound good, the music isn’t overpowering and the balance seems proper. The 5.1 won’t amaze, but they throw some stuff around the room at some points. No issues to mention.

    For extras there’s a trailer for the feature. The end.

    The Final Word:

    Cookie-cutter thriller that neither thrills or titillates. This homogenized and tedious movie is not at all worth sitting through. If you absolutely MUST see The Cottage, just don’t.