Hemo

Released by: Troma Entertainment
Released on: 12/11/2012
Director: Bob Freville
Cast: Pamela Price, Kevin Petroff
Year: 2010
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The Movie:

Hemo tells the story of two lovers with a bizarre commonality: they are addicted to human blood. Felicia (Pamela Price) and Calvin (Kevin Petroff) share a piece of shit apartment somewhere on Long Island, living like heroin addicts together on a stained mattress. In order to keep up the supply of that which they crave, the lovebirds steal from blood banks. All is well, until the blood banks beef up security, making it extremely difficult to make a score. And like all good junkies, when one source dries up (quite literally) you do whatever it takes to find a new source.

Add murder to the list of illegal activities the two engage in to slake their vampiric thirst. And that thirst is not only of the psychological kind, but also of the psychosexual kind as the two like to roll around in the red stuff while making babies. But everything isn't roses with the bloodsucking fiends, and their most recent way to get the juice puts a spike into the relationship that may be (gasp, no) irreconcilable.

The movie has a couple of things going for it. One of which is Pamela Price, who does a convincing job with the role and really throws herself into things. She's easy on the eyes, and that helps things too. Petroff deserves some kudos here as well, but it's her show all the way. Okay, so really there's just the one thing going for it. The movie itself is incredibly slow and far longer than it needs to be, although its only 80 minutes long. There's just too much dead air. Now of course one needs to consider the no-budget handcuffs a movie like this is bound in, but there's plenty of micro-crew movies out there with the same hurdles that can fill a 75 to 85-minute running time and provide some solid entertainment.

Take another Troma-distributed film like Grim. The movie was made for a paycheck but looks like some decent coin was sunk into it. Then there's a movie like Psycho Sleepover. Looks like crap, but has some genuinely funny moments to it. Hemo just doesn't bonk you over the head with anything that stands out, by way of production value, interesting dialogue, or a memorable scene or two. It simply drudges on throughout its slow and meandering pace and the end result is underwhelming.

You just know that a lot of heart and soul went into putting this movie together, as with most of these little movies. But sadly, as with so many films of this type (this type being homemade, micro-budget movies) it just falls flat, leaving the viewer with little more than the regret of lost time.

Video/Audio/Extras:

The disc seems free of any authoring issues (pixelation, aliasing, and the like), but not having been filmed on the greatest of the great digital cameras, things look less than stellar. Lots of insufficient lighting seems to hurt the picture as well. Black levels are so-so, colors are okay but not great. Audio is a 2-channel Dolby Digital track that serves its purpose. Balance seems proper and the music at a good level (Conway Twitty no less).

Extras, aside from some typical “Tromatic Extras” you've probably seen countless times and a mildly entertaining Lloyd Kaufman introduction, include a 22-minute “making of” that's kind of like the movie. Slow. A trailer for the feature is included, as is a short film by Hemo's writer/director, Bob Freville. “Of Bitches & Hounds” is 50 minutes long and is accompanied by a “making of” that runs a little bit over 22 minutes in length.

The Final Word:

Another entry in the endless sea of “make your own movie” flicks that fails to impress on most levels. The extras are certainly plentiful (a double feature with two “making of” spots isn't too shabby for the price) but you may want to test the waters with this one before jumping in.