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Released by: Cinema Sewer
Released on: August, 2013.
Director: Various
Cast: Various
Year: 2013
Purchase From Cinema Sewer
The Movie:
Hey! You! Yeah, you! Do you wanna see a woman poop underwater? No? Yes you do. Don't lie about it. Of course you want to see a woman poop underwater. And do you dig werewolf boners? C'mon… admit it, you totally dig werewolf boners. I mean, who doesn't love a good werewolf boner now and then? I don't believe for one second that you don't lie awake at night thinking about werewolves with giant boners and wondering what it looks like when women go poop underwater. But you know what? You can wonder no longer, because the third volume in Cinema Sewer's Retard-O-Tron video mixed tape series is here.
So wait… what the hell are you talking about, Ian? Well, I'm talking about a collection of wild, wacky and often times horrifyingly offensive footage all assembled somewhat randomly on DVD-R for your enjoyment. Like the mixed tapes some of us made on cassettes before everything went digital, it's a hodge-podge of random stuff, though this being a Cinema Sewer product and all, you can get your sweet ass that it's going to go for the gross, the absurd, the sexy, the horrible and the weird.
Doing a complete play-by-play would be a disservice to anyone who hasn't seen it and is interested in seeing it. It would also be boring and tedious to write. But hey, who doesn't love a good rundown of highlights? What? You don't love highlights? Well, earlier you wouldn't admit you didn't want to see a woman poop underwater, so your credibility isn't exactly what I'd call reputable right now. So yeah, let's talk trash…
Things start off with some squirting asses blasting enema water out to the music from Chariots Of Fire. From there? Some strange Indonesian movie clips, some sci-fi movie clips, bad stuff, low budget stuff, the kind that MST3K goes nuts over. It's funny and decidedly PG. From there? A fantastic editing montage of clips from the hosts of Britain's Got Talent spliced in with footage of a naked woman making her ass gape and then making crazy ass noises into the microphone before sodomizing herself with it. It's gross, but damn if it isn't hilarious. After that we meet a chef who evidently has Down Syndrome. This looks like it was culled from public access and while it's in poor taste to laugh, this entire thing is an exercise in poor taste, so you just sort of roll with it. This guy shows up a few times throughout the collection. Women with ridiculously big tits show up after that, we get an America's Funniest Home Video parody with a partially nude woman being spit on in the streets, and then a Japanese guy buys a sex toy from a vending machine. From there…. naked women poop under water! Fucking finally! What, you thought I was lying? You're the liar here.
After that a hillbilly messes up his toe but fixes it with peanut butter and we see what an elastic band can do to a woman's pussy. Have you ever seen what an elastic band will do to a woman's pussy? Now that you should see. What an elastic band will do to a woman's pussy that you should see (spoiler - it makes her yelp!).
People barf, a guy eats something out of a toilet (eww), lots of clips from crazy unsubbed Japanese movies bombard you along with other foreign oddities, the kind that makes life worth living - all this and lots of nudity, random bits of strange porn and a great screaming Jean-Claude Van Damme are found within the confines of this compilation of the crass and the stupid. Oh and Kriss-Kross show up here, as do Barry Prima, some weird religious types, and a great stoned white trash guy in a sombrero running naked through the snow. Also be on the lookout for some old lady porn with the History Channel in the top corner, some ridiculously disgusting Japanese puke fetish clips, a wild Bollywood movie chase scene with flying vehicles, Serena masturbating to Sly Stallone serenading Dolly Parton, bad public access footage, Tom Cruise with an ass mouth, horrible music videos and gratuitous Lou Ferrigno. Oh and some girls fuck a horny teddy bear (who actually does blow a load), amongst other things as it all comes to a close with a montage of seriously fucked up Japanese porn set to some lovely, soothing Europop.
Oh and just a heads up.... the screen caps below the fold? They're not safe for work. But you probably figured that out on your own by this point.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Everything is more or less fullframe save for a couple of widescreen clips here and there. Given the nature of the production, there's some variation in quality in terms of what looks good and what doesn't but everything is perfectly watchable and the image remains pretty consistent. Colors are pretty strong and all things considered, the bulk of the material looks good.
The Dolby Digital 2.0 track isn't fancy but it gets the job done. Like the video, quality fluctuates a bit from clip to clip but everything is well balanced and for the most part it's pretty clean and clear. There are no serious issues with this, and in fact it sounds better than you'd probably expect it to considering the varied sources from which it was compiled.
Aside from some great artwork that pays tribute to the old Warner Brothers VHS clamshell template and a great menu screen featuring some naked old people, the disc also features an alternate audio track that turns out to be a commentary from Cinema Sewer's Robin Bougie with input from Lauren Martin and BJ Summers. This is a play by play mostly, and it's really in the red as far as the levels go, at least early on. From there, as the movie plays out, we get a barrage of random trivia about where all of this insanity came from, why it's here and what makes it rad. It's not the most structured track in the world but it suits the chaotic nature of the movie. It's like watching the movie with a few friends, one of whom (in this case Bougie) knows more about this stuff than the others and wants to tell you about it. It's an enthusiastic track and hey, if you want to know more about this stuff, here's where you go to do just that.
There are also trailers here for the first two Retard-O-Tron video mix tape releases and for a really blasphemous porno movie that Bougie was involved with called The Cumming Of Jizzus.
The Final Word:
See it drunk. See it with a room full of other drunks. Don't watch it with your mom though. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fit back that nasty bile that starts working its way out of your stomach and you'll occasionally blurt out random obscenities for lack of a more appropriate response. However you need to acclimate yourself before hitting play, do it. Because once you hit play, there's no turning back. You won't turn it off, you can't. You'll want to, you'll pray to God in heaven to give you the strength but he's not going to answer you because you are a sinner. Once you start it you're in it for the long haul. Retard-O-Tron will own you (it even says so right on the front cover!) and you WILL finally get to see a woman poop under water. You can thank me later.
