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Schoolgirl Report #12: If Mom Only Knew…

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    Ian Jane
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  • Schoolgirl Report #12: If Mom Only Knew…



    Released by: Impulse Pictures
    Released on: March 11th, 2014.
    Director: Walter Boos
    Cast: Sascha Atzenbeck, Willy Adler, Eva Berthold
    Year: 1977
    Purchase From Amazon

    The Movie:

    The twelfth entry in the seemingly endless (and endlessly enjoyable!) Schoolgirl Report films to have come out of Germany during that countries seventies heyday of softcore cinematic output is also known as Carnal Campus. Once again directed by Walter Boos, the framing device is that a bunch journalist types are holding a meeting to discuss what they're going to be writing about for the next edition of the school newspaper they're working on. This, of course, leads to the different vignettes that make up the bulk of the film's running time.

    Our first story follows Anne, a lithe young woman who, along with her old brother, lost her parents at a young age. As she's grown up with her brother, a pilot, she's obviously and understandably become quite close to him over the years. When they head out to a restaurant for dinner one night and he's taunted by his bitchy ex-wife (who flaunts her American boyfriend!), Anne decides to show him how much she loves him… in the Biblical sense. Hey, he must want it, right? When he walked in on her while she was in the bathtub he told her how nice her body was. Creepy.

    From there a biology student named Barbara heads out to the farm with her class for a trip that will have a lot less to do with boring teacher lectures than it will with bumping and grinding. Her boyfriend coaxes her out into the sticks to relax and soon enough, it seems all of the other students are following suit and getting it on.

    The third story tells the sordid tale of Gaby, whose horrible headaches are getting in the way of her Latin studies. She heads to the doctor's office but somehow manages to show up when it's closed only to encounter a horny plumber who has got a thing for dressing up in a doctor's outfit.

    Up next we meet Etta, a horny young thing who looks like she's in her mid-thirties who learned everything she knows about sex from her nymphomaniac mother. Since her dad's a drunk who spends more time put away than at home, mom's been banging any guy who can get within ten feet of her. Etta's biker trash boyfriend only adds to the problem when he discovers he can use her constant horniness in barter for dope!

    Last but not least we learn what happens to a girl named Dina who is desperately awaiting the arrival of a French exchange student her family will be fostering. When Niki shows up and turns out to be a Nicholas and not a Nicole, Dina takes full advantage of this and throws her fleeting sense of modesty right out the window. Niki's no better as he's prone to stripping down to his underoos and pumping iron but he's a young man of high moral standing and he isn't ready to hop into bed just yet. Or so he thinks…. Dina can be pretty persuasive.

    This is a fairly light entry in the series, though the storyline with the biker boyfriend and the incestuous angle that the first story takes will probably result in some viewers being a bit taken aback. For the most part though, the emphasis here is on sexy comedy complete with lots of characters being caught in precarious situations and making goofy faces/saying goofy things. It's a fun watch, a genuinely amusing slice of German sexploitation that moves at a good pace and never fails to entertain. The framing segments that always seem like an attempt to add some sort of legitimacy to these movies once again falls flat but nobody watches these movies for those segments anyway. If naked Eurobabes in goofy situations are your thing, step right up. Once again the Schoolgirl Report franchise delivers.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    Impulse's 1.66.1 anamorphic widescreen transfer is pretty decent even if it isn't completely pristine. There are some occasional instances of minor print damage in the form of specs and tiny scratches. None of this is particularly distracting but it is there. Color reproduction looks a bit faded but is otherwise okay while the black levels are closer to grey at times. Detail is alright for the most part though softer than most will want. This is perfectly watchable but nothing to write home about. Oddly enough, the framing on the opening credits is slightly different than the feature itself.

    The German language Dolby Digital Mono track, which comes with optional English subtitles, has a little bit of background hiss here and there but you probably won't notice it unless you're specifically listening for it. Aside from that, this is a decent, well-balanced track that delivers completely audible dialogue and a nice score.

    Like all of the other releases so far in this line up, the only extras are a static menu screen and chapter selection. Aside from that, this DVD is barebones.

    The Final Word:

    Schoolgirl Report #12 doesn't really reinvent the wheel, in fact it's a bit formulaic but at least the formula it follows is sexy and fun. The cast all seem to be having a good time with this one and that is, to a certain extent at least, quite infectious. The quality of the disc is on par with the other entries in the Impulse run, meaning it won't win any awards, but it's perfectly watchable. If you've enjoyed the earlier entries in the series it stands to reason you'll dig this one too.
























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