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Weird Love #3

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    Nolando
    Senior Member

  • Weird Love #3



    Published by: IDW Publishing
    Released on: Sept. 10, 2014


    Fall is in the air and a young man's fancy turns to ridiculously-prudish romance comics of yesteryear, thanks to IDW Publishing yet again! So, without further ado:

    There's No Romance In Rock 'N' Roll - First published in True Life Romance #3, Aug. 1956, this story is 100% accurate about the delirious distraction that is rock 'n roll. Shirley is a young girl only interested in dancing and listening to rock 'n roll, despite her mother's attempts to rule her life and keep her in the house. When her and her friends get too rowdy around the jukebox in the candy store, they move the party to Shirley's place. It's then that Shirley sees her mother as just a frumpy, repressive old woman who couldn't possibly understand her.

    Mom begins clamping down more and more, forbidding Shirley from going out even when it's the nice of the big school hop (the nerve!). But Mom is also a mother so when Shirley's birthday rolls around she hosts a proper party for her. When mom's old roommate Marie shows up unexpectedly she brings along another surprise - her grown son Tom who seems pretty smashing. He's polite and nice and the envy of all the other girls at the party. And he doesn't really care for that “music” they're playing and, through this, Shirley starts to see how she and her friends might look a bit foolish.

    This allows Shirley to begin to see her mother in a new light, as an admirable character worthy of emulation. Things then start going better for her, especially when Tom and Marie come over for dinner and he declares his love for Shirley. They start to go steady and she realizes what she really has in Tom and thanks her mother for that. As they stroll along, arm in arm, they walk past a joint blaring that now-disdainful music and Shirley's thankful she matured so quickly, thanks to Tom and her mother because, in the world of weird love, no music beats a sweet love song. None. Ever.

    Weep, Clown, Weep - Courtesy of Romantic Secrets #27, Feb. 1952, this story has perhaps one of the greatest titles of all time. It's the story of uber-bitch Janie and Ben, a circus clown. They meet when Janie goes for a job interview in the publicity department of the circus. She's overwhelmed by the behind-the-scenes setting of the place and Ben, sensing this, offers to get her to where she needs to be - the office of Ms. Howell. She strikes Janie as the kind of woman she'd like to be and lands the job. Since it's early, Ms. Howell sends her off to get breakfast in the circus mess tent. There, she meets Ben again and they talk and talk and talk, with him doing most of the listening.

    She senses Ben as being a special man but can't quite figure him out, with his attentiveness but also air of sadness about him. He's then called off to perform as he tells Janie he's a “circus performer.” They don't see each other for a few days until the night of a circus performance. Janie is annoyed by the clown that keeps coming up to her and playing around, worse when he approaches her after the show outside. When he reveals himself to be Ben she's beyond shocked - she's horrified. She sees this as a ridiculous, non-grown-up job but when he reappears out of his outfit and offers to walk her home she changes her mind. She realizes she really does love him after all and he, in turn, loves her.

    They date for a little while but it all begins to unravel when he shows up in her office in his clown garb. She's humiliated and calls off their date that night. But that night he's again out of uniform and bearing a bouquet and she turns around yet again. And yet she still thinks that Ms. Howell and the others are laughing at her for dating a literal clown. So, later, at the circus anniversary party, when Ben's called on for an impromptu performance, she runs away, disgusted, disappointed and humiliated. Ben pursues, telling her he wants to marry her but then she lets him have it with both barrels: She says she'll never be the wife of a clown!

    Later, then, Ben shows up out of his outfit at her desk at work, saying he's taken a job in the commissary, having dropped the clowning act. She's thrilled that he's decided to play grown-up now and is totally happy. However, that doesn't last too long as after a couple weeks she spies an afternoon circus performance and there's Ben, being the clown yet again. She's furious that he lied to her, throwing his engagement ring in his face and storming off, quitting her job and leaving the circus behind.

    She manages to land a much better job for a television magazine (wtf?) doing publicity. Six months in and she's sad but does a good job, earning the role of covering the local entertainers' awards dinner. Fast track! Anyway, as she's there, having a great time but still realizing how sad she is, the humanitarian award is awarded...to Ben! Everyone there goes on and on about how awesome he is, giving him a standing ovation, with him humbly accepting it and even weeping a bit. Each thing is like a dagger in Janie's cold-ass bitch of a heart and she just wants to get to him, just to apologize. As she's trying to do that she runs into Ms. Howell who, in turn, confesses her own unrequited love for Ben. She knows, though, that he truly loves Janie and so she gets her to Ben's side. He unquestioningly embraces her and washes away her tears. I guess she's down with the clown now. Weird love!

    You're Fired, Darling! - From the pages of Career Girl Romances #45, June 1968, examines the difficult life of a successful woman and the trials of love. Doris is the office manager at an industrial analysis office (huh?) and her beau, Mike, works there as well but there's a problem - he's a terrible employee. He's a great guy but is clearly not cut out for this line of work. Doris knows that, for his own good, she's going to have to fire him. So on the way home from a beach date she tells him she loves him and that, no matter what happens at their work this week, for him to remember that. Mike's a little confused by all that but agrees amiably enough.

    Come Monday morning and Mike's late yet again. He's called into Doris' office and tries to be his usual self but she's all business and before she can fire him Mike angrily quits, telling Doris her kind of love is “strictly poison!” She's also pretty upset but then has a flash of insight, calling Mike's uncle Jeff who has a construction business, thinking that'd be the perfect fit for him.

    Doris' daily life is out of its spark then, with her seeing other gals' happiness and wondering if any job is worth such a price to pay. She goes out walking in the rain, thinking all this over and, as a result, staying out way too long and coming home sick. Her mother nurses her back to health but Doris is still quite saddened. Cut to a few weeks' later and her mother's putting together dinner for a surprise guest. She makes Doris answer the door and, sure enough, there's Mike! This proves too much for Doris, though, and she begins to faint so he takes her out to the patio, to sit and talk (with her parents' consent, of course).

    It's there that he's able to confront her about what happened and why she fired him. She confesses that she wanted a better, more appropriate job for him and he sees her busybody ways, telling her that he, his uncle and a cousin now have a successful construction company together. She asks his forgiveness and promises never to interfere like that again. Mike agrees she won't, taking her over his knee and smacking dat ass into submission. She's only too happy with this take-charge man who tells her that they're going to get married later that month. She calls this “masterful” rather than misogynistic, angry, arrogant or hate-filled and winks at the reader in the final panel, now that she's attained that weird love version of happiness.

    Two Wayward Girls - Not a hit CBS prime time comedy but first appearing in Romantic Love #22, July-Aug. 1954, this also features two hot, young broads Nicole and Rita who think taking men for a ride and getting all their money and expensive gifts is THE way of life. The redheaded Nicole tells the tale as she firsts joins a modeling agency who make it very clear to her up front that, if she's to have a career there, she'll “entertain” the male clients from advertising agencies that show up in town. Carole isn't quite sure of this but sultry raven-haired roommate Rita tells her that's how she's been paying her half of the rent!

    So Carole decides to go out on that first date, meeting handsome and rich fellow. He takes her out on the town and makes his move on her. Carole, new to this role, eats it all up and falls in love with him. When she gets home at 8am it's Rita who has to set her straight - that she's being a silly little girl and that he clearly understands the game, as Rita fetches the big tip he left in Carole's purse for her. Carole is confused but then figures it out when he never calls/appears again. She then joins in Rita's scheme to “bleed these suckers white.” Um…

    The money and gifts come easy then as Carole's a fast-learner under Rita's tutelage. They go out on a double-date one night with Tom Dulane and his old frat buddy, Worth Brent. Carole's paired up with Tom who's a wise-cracking, fun-loving drunk while Rita's saddled with stick-in-the-mud Worth. Carole decides to go to Rita's aid at one point and dances with Worth. But, in doing so, she soon finds herself really enjoying his company and disdaining the boorish antics of Tom. But Tom's three sheets to the wind by the point and begins making fun of Worth. Carole tries to stick up for him and that's when Tom loses it, finally socking her in the jaw. Worth does the same to him and then the cops show up and haul them all off to jail.

    While sitting in lockup Carole has the brilliant epiphany that maybe this way of life isn't for her. She's ashamed and worried about the indignity should her parents find out. Just then, she's released from holding as her father appears, taking her home. Carole thinks she'll never live down the disgrace but then Worth appears at her door, confessing his feelings for her. They soon are married and, as she closes the story, Carole tells that she's still in touch with Rita, having just invited her out to stay with them in the hopes they can turn her life around as well. Weird! Love!

    Love, Honor & Swing, Baby! - “Fresh” from the pages of Just Married #67, Oct. 1969, we finally get some dirtbag hippies! Ruth is a pretty, young blonde who marries Buckie, a free and groovy young man. They live the hippie life, taking odd jobs and free food, free of the constraints of normal society. They get married at the courthouse and then by some far-out cat named Zuza at their favorite coffee shop. While Ruth still regrets a little at not getting the wedding she wanted as a girl and that her folks weren't there she figures that's just the boring society trappings talking.

    Buckie cuts off any thoughts about a honeymoon, choosing to hang in the Village with their own kind. When they go to the coffee shop later and “wait around for someone to get an idea,” a voluptuous dark-haired beauty makes eyes at Buckie and says she has an idea. Ruth tells her off but Buckie wants no part of her squared, married girl routine getting in the way of his swingin' freedom. He goes off with this mysterious beauty and it's then that Ruth realizes she doesn't like this lifestyle at all. So she pawns her watch and gets a bus ticket back home ASAP.

    There, her father's shocked at her appearance but welcomes her in, where she's able to finally shower and dispose of all that hideous hippie garb. After just a few days Ruth says she feels like a member of the human race again but wonders about living life without Buckie. It's then that there's a handsome stranger buzzing her door. Turns out, it's Buckie, all clean-shaven and wearing a suit! And he's bearing tickets to Bermuda for the honeymoon she deserves! But before that her mother insists on her daughter having a proper wedding and they're only too happy to comply and become, in Ruth's words, “be ordinary, dull, happy newlyweds!” Take that, hippie scum! Weird love!!!

    Gangster's Girl - Found in First Love Illustrated #37, Feb. 1954, this story closes out this latest collection in grand style. The plot concerns three friends - Joey, Phil and Ann - who all grew up together but went down very disparate paths with their lives. Told from Ann's point of view, she's attempting to explain why she was a gangster's kept girl.

    That gangster is Joey who's become a serious crime boss. He's trying to get his bought-and-paid-for candidate elected to city council but his having a tough fight thanks to his squeaky-clean opponent, Phil, their former friend. Joey has a plan, though, and that's to send in Ann, who used to date Phil at one point long ago, to gain insider information and beat him in this election.

    Ann's reluctant to play on their old emotions but all Joey has to do is wave something expensive in her face and she's all-in on the plan. She surprises Phil one day at “random” and they soon can't stop talking, catching up on all that's happened to them since they were kids. Ann starts seeing Phil often, saying all the right things and then reporting back to Joey later to receive yet another expensive gift. Phil, oblivious to her duplicity, falls hard for his childhood sweetheart and soon enough confesses his outright love for her.

    Ann is conflicted by this, seeing Joey's world for what it is and her life there as yet another commodity. As the election nears she finds herself falling more and more for Phil. But when Phil loses the election he suspects foul dealings from their old friend Joey and goes to confront him. Ann protests, wanting them to just leave town, but he won't hear of it. So she accompanies him to Joey's place for the showdown. There, he accuses Joey of his dirty dealings but says that while he might have lost the election he considers himself a winner, having gained Ann back in the whole process.

    Joey smirks and asks Ann if that's truly the case. She says true love has changed her but, as she and Phil go to leave, Joey throws her mink coat to the floor, telling her she forgot to take that and that it belongs to him! Upon seeing that, Ann's conflicted again and Phil can read that look on her face. She tells him it could never work between them so Phil leaves in defeat. Joey picks up the coat and puts it around Ann and as she curls into it and his grasp, she tells the dear reader that's why and how she sold herself out. Further, though, she wonders why it is sometimes at night she just can't help crying...but we know the answer to that, don't we?

    WEIRD LOVE!!!!

    Another fine collection, this one's worth it solely for the cover of The Milkman Cometh. But the stories this time out are the most outrageous and laugh-out-loud fantastic yet. If you haven't picked this series up yet NOW is the time to do so. Be the envy of your friends! Revel in decades-old snark! DO IT!
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