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Dracula Sucks

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    Ian Jane
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  • Dracula Sucks



    Released by: Vinegar Syndrome
    Released on: October 7th, 2014.
    Director: Phillip Marshak
    Cast: Annette Haven, Jamie Gillis, John Holmes, Seka, John Leslie
    Year: 1989
    Purchase From Amazon

    The Movie:

    Directed by Phillip Marshak (who directed one of the segments in Night Train To Terror), Dracula Sucks makes its official DVD debut (it was included on an unauthorized Alpha Blue Archives DVD along with Vamp and Dracula Exotica under its Lust At First Bite cut) in a never before seen director's cut version courtesy of Vinegar Syndrome.

    The movie is an extremely loose adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula that puzzlingly takes place not in Europe but in a castle located in the California desert sometime in the 1930s. The castle, dubbed Carfax Abbey, just happens to be situated beside an insane asylum and when Count Dracula (Jamie Gillis) takes up residence in said castle, he does what any friendly neighbor would do and pays the guys next door a visit. The asylum is run by a monocled Doctor Arthur Seward (John Leslie) and his assistant Doctor Sybil Seward (Kay Parker) but Dracula is far more interested with the good doctor's niece, Mina (Annette Haven), much to the dismay of her fiancé, Jonathan Harker (Paul Thomas). Also on hand at the asylum are Doctor John Stoker (John Holmes), Doctor Peter Bradley (Mike Ranger), a nurse named Betty (Seka) and an apple obsessed orderly named Henry (William Margold) - and that's just the staff!

    Hanging around Dracula's castle is his old pal Renfield (Richard Bulik), completely insane as per the opening scene, and his wife Irene (Pat Manning) and more than a few ghostly female vampire servants. When Mina's friend Lucy (Serena) comes to visit, he pays her a nocturnal visit and puts the bite on her (in a very strange scene while she's sitting on the toilet relieving herself!), turning her into a vampire too. Later John Holmes' legendary schlong also gets bit and he in turn puts the bite on a certain nurse when she comes to check on him! Just when it looks like Dracula and his cohorts will be able to use everyone and everything in the asylum as their playmates, Doctor Van Helsing (Reggie Nalder credited as Detlef van Berg!?!) shows up to visit his colleague Seward, but Dracula isn't about to let Mina just slip through his fingers…

    This one is pretty out there, a completely off the wall mix of porno movie couplings of varying degrees of explicitness, low budget horror movie trappings, wild overacting and genuinely atmospheric set pieces. The castle location used for the film helps a lot and it's quite well lit and pretty well photographed too, but then we get strange contrasts to this like a goofy rubber bat and whatever the Hell is going on in the asylum cells with that guy in the cowboy suit and the girl in the Little Bo Peep costume diddling herself under her skirt right next to him… with a stuffed hanging monkey hovering above. It's a movie that dresses itself like you'd expect a horror porn hybrid to dress itself but which then throws genre conventions to the wind in favor of barely restrained cinematic insanity. It's a whole lot of fun, actually.

    The cast, as Margold notes in his commentary track (more on that in a bit) seem to be constantly trying to outdo one another so we wind up with a really mixed bag of thesping here. Leslie has definitely been better but he's fun to watch as the man in charge of the mental hospital and his scene with uber-MILF Kay Parker is a good one. Parker is a bit underused here but she looks great. Seka is fun to watch even if her trademark blue eye shadow is missing in action while Serena is actually oddly effective as Lucy, bringing a weird otherworldly tone to her performance once she's been bitten. Annette Haven's eyebrows look odd here and her hair is kind of overdone but she's still the natural beauty her fans remember her as and she too can act and does well in the part. John Holmes is goofy as goofy can be and looks amazingly dopey with vampire fangs in his mouth while Ranger and Thomas are fun too. And then there's Reggie Nalder who somehow wound up in all of this. Not surprisingly he's got nothing to do with any of the sex scenes but the star of Mark Of The Devil and countless other horror films seems to be enjoying himself acting alongside the top tier of adult talent in the industry at the time, and he gets a few of the best lines in the film.

    Not surprisingly, the real star of the show is Jamie Gillis. Even when his eyes are glowing bright red courtesy of some bad optical effects his work as (a bearded) Dracula is actually quite good. He hits the right mix of over the top theatrical body language and well-mannered line delivery, complete with what we are to assume is a Hungarian accent, you know, to add some authenticity to the fact that this is a Jewish dude from New York playing the world's most famous Transylvanian! Gillis has always been regarded as one of the most talented actors to ever bone women on camera for pay and you can definitely see how his live theater experience would have prepared him for a role like this. He's a kick to watch and looks great strutting about in a reasonably lavish looking cape.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    Dracula Sucks arrives on DVD framed at 1.78.1 anamorphic widescreen and aside from a few moments where there's a bit of print damage, things generally look quite good here. Colors are consistently bright and bold while black levels stay solid and deep. Compression artifacts are thankfully never an issue and there are no problems with any noise reduction, edge enhancement or shimmering. Detail is as good as standard definition will allow for and yeah, aside from that print damage creeping in here and there, this is a very strong transfer indeed.

    The English language Dolby Digital Mono track does have some audible hum present in a few scenes but is otherwise fine. The score sounds good, the dialogue is easily discernable and plenty easy to follow and the levels are properly balanced. No alternate language options or subtitles are provided.

    The only extra on the first disc is an audio commentary with actor and co-writer Bill Margold moderated by Vinegar Syndrome's Joe Rubin. If you've heard a Bill Margold commentary before (the most recent incident being his work on the recent Vinegar Syndrome DVD release of Carlos Tobalina's Marilyn And The Senator) you'll have an idea of what to expect - semi-controlled lunacy! Bill doesn't pull any punches here as he talks about his work writing the picture and doing not only second unit work behind the camera but performing in front of the camera as well. He talks about some of the more taboo aspects of the movie that modern day feature porn director's likely wouldn't even try to get away with and he shares plenty of gossip about pretty much each and every one of the cast members. He also talks about Phillip Marshak's attempts to direct the film, the obvious problems with the movie's editing and how large stretches of it don't actually make a whole lot of sense. As always, Margold is a real blast to listen to and this track is a lot of fun. Anyone with an interest in the behind the scenes story of this production would be a fool not to take the time to give this track a spin.

    The second disc in the set contains the alternate 'Lust At First Bite' version of the movie. This runs about twenty minutes shorter than the director's cut clocking in at about seventy-four minutes in length. This was obviously shot at the same time with the same cast but it's a completely different edit of the movie that takes the big finale with Gillis and Haven that's at the end of the director's cut and puts it back in at the beginning of the movie. Large chunks of character and plotting elements are completely cut out here but we get some interesting alternate footage and some of the sex scenes are a bit harder and more explicit. It also features a very different ending from the one seen on the director's cut. Again, it makes very little sense but it's great to have this cut, which will be the more familiar edit of the movie to most fans, included in this release as it is certainly a legitimate alternate version.

    Also included on the second disc is a twenty-plus minute featurette entitled Return To Castle Hill which brings the film's producer Darryl Marshak (now a talent agent and also the director's son) together with Margold for a road trip out into the middle of nowhere in the California desert to revisit the castle location used for the shoot. As they drive out there the two talk about the history of the movie, what Phillip Marshak's intentions were with the film, what it was like working with the different cast and crew members and how they went about securing this location in the first place. When they arrive, the castle is fenced off and they can't legally get into the area, but it's interesting to see and hear the two men reminisce about their work together on this cinematic oddity.

    Rounding out the extras is a still gallery of German artwork created for the feature and a theatrical trailer for the film. Static menus and chapter selection options are provided on both discs for both cuts of the movie.

    The Final Word:

    Dracula Sucks doesn't always make a whole lot of sense regardless of which option you go for but seeing it in its director's cut definitely does help in terms of story and flow. The performances are a lot of fun here and the cast members all really throw themselves into their respective roles. The movie is just a lot of ridiculous fun and Vinegar Syndrome's release is a good one worth it for the nutso Margold commentary alone!




















































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