Blackwoods

Released by: Olive Films
Released on: January 27th, 2015.
Director: Uwe Boll
Cast: Patrick Muldoon, Michael Pare, Clint Howard
Year: 2000
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The Movie:

BLACKWOODS, Uwe Boll's second American feature (though shot in Canada) after SANCTIMONY is a bit of a damp squib. While SANCTIMONY had a wild and slightly unhinged quality that propelled it through its absurd plotting, this one is just dull and boring.

Matt (the utterly bland Patrick Muldoon) is haunted by a drunk driving accident where he killed a young lady years earlier. He's trying to get his life back together and has a new girlfriend named Dawn (Keegan Connor Tracy). On her suggestion, they head out for a weekend getaway to meet her hick family that live deep in the woods. There, some horrifying truths are revealed about the accident that Matt caused and he winds up fighting for his life.

Lord knows why, but I'm actually trying to avoid spoilers here. While SANCTIMONY ripped off AMERICAN PSYCHO effectively in a B-movie kinda way, BLACKWOODS is ripping off another box office hit that utilized a Twilight Zone type twist. Except it stinks at it. The denouement is a piss poor MOST DANGEROUS GAME scenario that's confusingly shot and not even all of hat gory. The wacky Boll touch isn't really in evidence either - this is so competently shot and edited that it looks like any number of similar DTV efforts. The other problem is Muldoon. He's a terrible actor. No range, and his trademark is an annoying furrowed brow and half-smirk. Muldoon has the presence of a dimwitted male model that wandered in front of a movie camera. Whereas Muldoon's STARSHIP TROOPERS costar, SANCTIMONY's Caspar Van Dien has some chops to back up his pretty boy looks, the former "Melrose Place" pinup has zilch. And Tracy is a snooze too. Generically "cute" she has some dramatic scenes that are painful to watch. In fact, these two together are a black hole of zero charisma. SANCTIMONY worked because it was quirky and well-cast. This fails because it's terribly casted and has a confusing and derivative script. And did I tell you that the ending makes no damned sense?

So... what's to like? Michael Pare as the sheriff and Clint Howard as a chucklesome and perverted motel manager. Pare, who became a personal friend of the mad German director went on to become a bit of a Boll player - showing up in quite a few of his films. And Boll is lucky to have him. The STREETS OF FIRE star is a very good character actor with an appealing screen presence. He still retains his leading man looks but has a nice lived-in quality onscreen. As for Howard, he's just always been a barrel of laughs onscreen all the way back to EVILSPEAK. He's the comic relief here and delivers the goods.

I like Boll. I think he's made some really entertaining films like ASSAULT ON WALL STREET and the wacky IN THE NAME OF THE KING. RAMPAGE is a highly effective and brutal film that could double bill with HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER and hold its own. Hell - I'll go to the mattresses to defend SANCTIMONY and the shits and giggles classic HOUSE OF THE DEAD. But not this loser. It's not crazy video game Boll and it's not take no prisoners Boll and it ain't even "social message" Boll like HEART OF AMERICA (my personal favorite dark horse Uwe flick). This is by the numbers Boll.

Video/Audio/Extras:

Martini/Olive's DVD is an average affair. The film was shot in standard definition and looks it every inch. Unlike SANCTIMONY who's earlier DVD was handily trumped by the new Martini/Olive edition I can't compare this to the old DVD since I never saw it. The 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image is clean but suffers from overall softness as well as some occasional edge enhancement. This isn't a very sharp transfer even by DVD standards. It's perfectly watchable and that's it. Audio is a similarly unremarkable Dolby Digital Stereo track. Everything is clear and balanced but range is middling. It gets the job done however. The only extra is a short two minute introduction by Boll where he talks about the production. Apparently Canada is cold.

The Final Word:

The verdict? Skip it. There's better Boll out there in the hills. Starting with Olive/Martini's SANCTIMONY for one.