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Released by: Universal Studios
Released on: January 13th, 2015.
Director: Mike Elliott
Cast: Victor Webster, Barry Bostwick, Ellen Hollman, Will Kemp, M. Emmet Walsh
Year: 2015
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The Movie:
You want a plot synopsis of THE SCORPION KING 4: THE QUEST FOR POWER? Head on over to IMDB and feast your eyes on three out of four of the plot recaps for Indiana Jones movies and you'll be 90% of the way there (hint - you can skip the Shia Labeouf travesty). In short, there's a Scorpion King named Mathayus (Victor Webster) who is on a quest. For power. With a hot chick named Valina (Ellen Hollman) and her father Sorrell (Barry Bostwick) along for the ride. There's a relic and a villain named Drazen (Will Kemp) who's a double-crossing snake.
Beyond that I can barely muster up the energy to go on. This is a frankly terrible film and emblematic of many of the problems with the home video/streaming industry today. The most interesting things about SCORPION KING 4 have more to do with the film as a product of 2015 than the actual movie. So let's discuss THAT instead, shall we?
The first SCORPION KING was a spinoff from the Brendan Fraser MUMMY films and starred Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Not a great film but passable. And it's existence made sense. Johnson was an up and coming B-lister with some promise. He successfully made the transition from pro wrestler to genre actor. So successfully in fact that his prize was NOT having to star in crap like this third DTV sequel. As I suffered through this awful film my mind started wandering down some strange highways. Who buys these films? I mean, goes into a Best Buy or a Target (sadly in today's dwindling physical media outlet state these major studio backed monstrosities are part of a very small group of films still sold in brick and mortar environments) and says "You have the new Scorpion King?". So I headed over to IMDB. Three out of four of the user viewers lauded the film for its "family values". Interesting that a movie where people are repeatedly shot in the ass seems to play well with the anti-vulgarity crowd. I'm not a fool. I know there's a LEPRECHAUN Blu ray boxed set out there. I suppose every franchise has its fans but why would a major studio invest in a mildly tricked out special edition for something that screams out WAIT FOR ME ON NETFLIX DUDE?
Then I started contemplating even thornier issues. Who's running modern low budget cgi these days? Cause man, the digital spiders and pulsating lava rocks in this thing look like the brown surprise a bear leaves in the woods. How is it that TERMINATOR 2, decades old, looks a million times more believable? Finally I confronted the biggest dilemma of all. What's with all the stunt casting that seems designed to excite old dudes like me but will probably be lost on 99% of this turd's intended audience? And why bother getting the likes of Lou Ferrigno, Rutger Hauer, Michael Biehn and a cult obscurity like Don "The Dragon" Wilson in your movie if you have no idea how to use them? Used to be if you got a guy like Dick Miller to show up in your movie for 5 minutes you gave him something everyone remembers like his gun seller in the original TERMINATOR ("Hey. Just whatcha see pal!"). Now you get Ferrigno looking lost and annoyed plopped randomly in front of a camera. This is a trend that seemed to start with Rob Zombie and his godawful HALLOWEEN remakes.
As all these thoughts flashed through my mind, the film rolled on. And then mercifully it was over. Dear SCORPION KING, please sequel no more and franchise not again.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Like the Chinese radio propagandist says in PORK CHOP HILL (a fine film I'll be reviewing for RSP! in upcoming happier times) welcome to the meat grinder. The 1080p AVC encoded 1.78:1 image presented here is a borderline shoddy affair with black crush making regular appearances and the two deadly M brothers (murky and muddy) being frequent visitors to the screen. Detail? Lame. And when the cgi kicks in the HD does a brutal job of exposing how poorly done it is. This could also have used a bit of judicious color timing.
The English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track trumps the poor video simply by being utterly forgettable. LFE and directional effects are singularly unimpressive but everything is correctly balanced and audible. Considering the dialog however that may be one for the minus books. Universal have also provided 5.1 tracks in French and Spanish and subtitle options.
Extras? Too. Damn. Many. The actor and director commentary is probably the only worthwhile thing on this woe begotten disc with actor Barry Bostwick revealing himself to be a very funny guy (who belongs in better movies). There's a certain amount of backslapping and delusion on display from director Mike Elliot about the quality of what's onscreen though but it's pleasant enough. This track also includes actors Ellen Hollman and Victor Webster in addition to the aforementioned Bostwick and Elliot. Then there is a completely superfluous EIGHTEEN MINUTE making of doc, an agonizing FIFTEEN MINUTES of outtakes and gulp, a gag reel (there ought to be a law against movies this bad having a gag reel).
The Final Word:
No sting in the tail. Avoid.
Click on the images below for full sized Blu-ray screen caps!
