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Released by: Distribpix
Released on: February, 2015.
Director: Tim Davies/Robert B. Mansfield
Cast: Harry Reems, Marc Stevens, Andrea True/Jean Ashley, Lee Tucker, Dick Baker
Year: 1972/1971
The Movies:
The first entry in what will hopefully become a line of regular releases in The Distribpix Archive Collection pairs up two films revolving around the sexual exploits of some seriously horny nurses… in sizzling color!
Head Nurse:
The first feature is a hardcore effort directed by Tim Davies in 1971 for Kirt Films. It starts off with some footage in which a crazed looking Doctor Rogers (Marc Stevens) monkeys around with some test-tubes and beakers, his lab coat covered in the colored liquid that has spilled out, his hands protected by what look like the kind of gardening gloves your grandmother wears. Cut to a montage of black and white pictures of a trio of foxy nurses, cue some quirky music, splash up the HEAD NURSE title card over a still picture of a blowjob… and we're off!
From there we head into the office of the doctor in charge, Doctor Millstein (Harry Reems), as he interviews a would be candidate for a nursing position. After a bit of chit-chat, he has to stick a ruler down her throat and get her measurements. This is cross cut with footage of two nurses, one of whom is Andrea True (she of the disco hit 'More, More, More'). She's upset that a doctor called her a nasty name and the other nurse is attempting to console her in hopes that it'll lead to some lesbian sex. It does. The stockings and garter belts are a nice touch. Also going on at the same time is a love fest between a guy kinda dressed up like Jim Morrison and a girl with a bad wig on. Dirty hippies.
As the hour long feature continues, the different characters and their storylines collide in a series of group sex scenes all set to some incredibly bizarre banjo music (music is credited to The Bushels). Oh, and Marc Stevens tries to cram his junk into the eyehole of a skull and then into a test-tube as well and there's a completely bizarre but kind of steamy phone sex/solo scene in here too.
Head Nurse is pretty damn insane. There isn't much of a plot and the attempts at comedy are just completely off the wall. The movie feels like it was edited by someone with serious attention deficit disorder because it cuts and cuts and cuts between the different 'plot lines' sometimes literally every few seconds. We'll get a snippet of dialogue between Reems and the nurse, a snippet of dialogue between the two lesbian nurses, then back to Reems for five seconds, then back to the lesbian nurses then to the hippies - it's dizzying and completely batshit insane. This makes Russ Meyer's editing style seem completely tame and calm by comparison.
The cast are all game, with Reems basically playing the same character here that he'd immortalize in Deep Throat made the same year. Stevens is off the hook here, doing a sort of Jekyll And Hyde thing that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie while Andrea True and the rest of the nurses all look great.
Shot pretty much entirely indoors, there isn't much to look at as far as the backgrounds go. It doesn't appear to have been shot in an actual hospital, more likely someone's office building with a few props scattered about and the cast decked out in appropriate entire. It's hard to imagine what the raincoat crowd would have thought of this one if they'd paid good money for spank fodder - but in its own way, Head Nurse is kind of great. Not good in the way that some movies are good, but great in that there's really nothing else like it.
Nurse-Made:
The second part of this double bill, a (barely) softcore picture made in 1971 by director Robert B. Mansfield, makes a whole lot more sense. The plot revolves around an aging gentlemen with a big goatee who, along with his pal, decides it would be a good idea to pretend to have heart problems. Why? So that he can hire himself a foxy practical nurse to look after him, that's why. It seems like a lot of effort to go to for sex, but desperate times often do call for desperate measures.
A curvy blonde nurse with shortish hair gets wind of this job opening, leaves her post on a park bench in what may or may not be early seventies Union Square, and drops a coin into a phone booth. One quick call later and our nurse is sitting next to our ailing pervert in his apartment and he's telling her his story. Before you know it, they're screwing. They screw a fair bit, actually, and then from there we are introduced to a horny, curvy plus-sized doll with weird eye makeup, a wig, and a rack that would give Chesty Morgan a run for her money. This gal goes at it solo in a pretty graphic scene, then gets it on with our nurse. After their encounter, the bigger lady does a strip tease for the nurse and the old guy, they all start going at it and then the old guy's buddy from the opening scene joins in. And then there's a twist ending!
This is fairly straightforward, story-wise, but where it winds up making you scratch your head and say 'huh?' is with its post dubbed audio. They didn't even try to make the actors' lips match up with the 'dialogue' and more often than not, lips will move when no one is saying anything and not move when people are. It's entirely surreal to the point where you'll find yourself wondering if this is some sort of coy filmmaking trick. It's not. It's just really poorly dubbed. We get some outdoor footage of lower Manhattan in a few spots that gives the movie some nice scenery, but the bulk of the action takes place inside the dirty old man's apartment. This one is pretty obscure, it's released on home video for the first time with this DVD, but it's a decent enough old sexploitation picture made just before hardcore would take over. It's definitely rough around the edges and obviously made fast and cheap but it's amusing enough and my God, that dubbing… wow.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Distribpix reissues both films on DVD in transfers taken from new HD scans of original elements in their proper aspect ratios looking very good indeed. A couple of scratches pop up here and there and a few white specks as well but overall detail is remarkably strong for an SD presentation, while texture is strong and color reproduction is excellent - especially in Head Nurse when Marc Stevens is goofing around in the lab with all those beakers full of colored liquid and what not.
The only audio option for either feature is an English language Dolby Digital Mono track, there are no alternate language options or subtitles provided here. Dialogue stays clean and clear and easy to follow and the levels are nicely balanced. There are no issues with any hiss or distortion to note and these older single channel mixes sounds just fine.
Extras are limited to a trailer for each film, a still gallery and an insert page containing a quick write-up on the history of each of the two movies. Additionally, the very cool cover art features an alternate option on the flip side. Menus and chapter selection are also included.
The Final Word:
Distribpix's Naughty Nurses Double Feature offers up two obscure sex films in remarkably nice shape. The movies are as goofy as they get but if you're in the right frame of mind, they're also a lot of screwy fun. There aren't tons of extras here, but those transfers really do sparkle.
