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Storefront Theater Collection: All Night At The Po-No

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    Ian Jane
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  • Storefront Theater Collection: All Night At The Po-No



    Released by: Vinegar Syndrome
    Released on: April 26th, 2016.
    Director: Various
    Cast: Various
    Year: Various
    Purchase From Amazon

    The Movies:

    Twelve dirty movies? That's a lot of smut! And being the devout perverts that we are around these here parts, we're going to cover each and every one of them, properly. Most of these run an hour or so, with the really short ones noted below.

    DISC ONE:

    Girl Aerobics: The first attraction is the shortest, clocking in at roughly five minutes. Here a man, played by Gene Rowland, comes home to his lady friend. They quickly get down to business when she doesn't seem all that into it, he woos her into lovemaking by doing a handstand. This does the trick and soon enough they're screwing on an air mattress.

    Homer… The Late Comer: The second feature, presented by Joint Ventures, is more substantial at just under an hour in length. It starts off with a man, the titular Homer, going to town on some food dressed in Roman garb. It gets more decadent as Homer goes to town on a young lady. From there until it turns out this was all just a wonderful dream! Homer is actually a porno movie editor trapped in a lousy marriage to a horrible wife who doesn't seem all too concerned about what he wants or when he wants it. Meanwhile a guy with a gun and his foxy lady go through bags of loot looking for jewels. They find some and have sex, while Homer tries his best to cut a film before he lucks out and gets it on with a hot dark haired gal and a fuzzy green couch. This is pretty odd mix of hardcore highjinks and screwy comedy, with the guy who plays Homer the butt of most of the jokes. He's a pretty disheveled guy, not your typical male porn lead at all, but he's got a knack for comedic timing and this one turns out to be pretty entertaining, if not particularly sexy. A genuine cinematic oddity if ever there was one!

    Erotic Point Of View: This is almost an early gonzo movie, the point of view in the title coming courtesy of a promiscuous young man named Mr. Cox, a writer of erotic books who serves as our narrator. The camera seems to replicate in that we see things from his angle. He does research often enough, it's part of his job, but he's also got a secretary, a hot blind chick who tells him about her many, many, many sex fantasies. She gets naked and goes for a dip in his pool before taking care of his boner for him. From there he hits a liquor store with some gal with frizzy hair. They leave the change and split with some candy and then she takes him back to her place to introduce him to her girlfriend. They tell him some intimate stories and then they screw - and of course, he joins in. From there we see a girl who is into black guys do a black guy, which turns into a three way and then a pretty blonde gets ravished on a bed by a white guy and then that same black guy (who introduces some bondage into the mix). After that the secretary sets up a screen and projector for Mr. Cox and they watch a dirty movie together called Sweet 13! This plays out in glorious black and white complete with credits (the movie stars 'Herman Stiff and his horny friend Fagy Joe!'). As the movie plays, Mr. Cox and his secretary get it on again.

    Porno Mondo: Presented by Alien Films, this starts out with a narrator talking about the origins of pornography over a series of explicit illustrations. After that we see various adult movie theaters from the Los Angeles of the early seventies while bad Spanish language lounge music plays. We cut to a couple going at it, our narrator still rambling on, cutting back and forth between them and the narrator, now visible behind a desk enjoying a stogie. The sex scene turns into a three way while the audio discusses the politics of censorship and sex films. After that Rene Bond shows up, plunking away at a typewriter. It turns out she writes sexy films and she's interviewed about her opinions on stag films and all matters of pornography and carnality. Two lesbians go at it on a couch that looks really similar to the one that popped up in Homer. A couple screws on a bed and enjoys some cigarettes. Then a man sits behind a bar, pours himself a drink, has a smoke and proceeds to deliver a pretty great soliloquy about how pornography is art and how art has no taboos. A couple screws in a kitchen, a girl gets naked and talks about screwing the boy next door who ran an 8mm camera while they made it, and then a guy in a wig with effeminate speech pattern runs a projector and talks about no holds barred porno movies. Then a guy on that green couch again talks about the problems involved in owning an adult theater while enjoying a can of beer. More people screw, we get some more footage of porno movie marquees and… that's it. Rene is seriously underused here.

    Sex Before Marriage (this review courtesy of Todd Jordan who originally covered the movie here): A young couple decides to grab a quickie on the kitchen table before the girl's mother gets home. “Drink it, drink it!” he tells her. And she does. Won't it be great once they're married and he can bone her all the time? It sure will. He manages to make his delivery before mother comes home and then it's a bad cut to the guy with his piece of shit car failing him. What rotten luck that his car breaks down on their wedding day. After a really crappy phone call with his old lady, he decides to set out and walk to the nearest service station. In his best wedding day tank top he strikes up some conversation with a Good Samaritan who shows him a short cut to the repair shop through the woods, and he of course bones her. “Let me fuck your mouth” her tells the chubby lady, “Beautifully done.” This guy's a true romantic.

    With that out of the way, it's back to the car, where he impulsively sells it for a couple hundred bucks. The buyer's money is at his place just a block away, so hubby-to-be follows him and waits on the front steps. The buyer takes too long, since he gets a piece from the old lady before getting the bread, and then it turns out he doesn't have it. But hey go wait inside with the dude's wife while the buyer goes and gets the cash. And guess what the tank-top groom and the car buyer's wife do….”I can't, I'm getting' married today”, but he does. Suddenly it's a footrace down a dirt road with what looks like an underage girl and definitely NOT the guy getting married. Lots of running followed by a very hairy-assed porking with what is suddenly four people. An orgy ensues. And then suddenly it's back to the groom. No clue what the fuck the four people screwing in the woods was all about. Anyhow, he's three hours late for his wedding as he informs the couple who picks him up. They go drink beer and ball in the back of a truck. “Come on…if yer gonna get married yer gonna have find out that sex and beer is where it's at.” Wiser words have never been spoken. He splits that scene and goes to visit is soon-to-be sister-in-law and porks her. The two decide to get married. The fucking end.

    DISC TWO:

    Orgy In The Woods: This is an eighteen minute quickie that begins with a couple running together through a field. The girl sticks her tongue out at the camera as a piano plays in the background. The tinkling of the ivories continues as they head into the woods, get naked and screw. The music goes quiet and there's some goofy dialogue and despite dude's moaning and groaning, he seems to be having a little trouble. She eventually gets that sorted out and then we see another couple going at it nearby. From there? They have an orgy… in the woods.

    The Swinging Playboy: Produced by 'G.M. King' and directed by Jimmy DeKnight, this one features Pete Dawson as Phil, introduced to us while taking a bath. His phone rings and it's a horny girl named Jan (played by Jan Davis). They talk dirty for a bit and then after his bath he finds a pretty blonde in his living room. They screw and at one or two moments during this scene you clearly see the crew in a few shots reflected in the mirrors beside the bed. But then, Jan shows up at his place, horny and wanting his goods. From here he tries to entertain both ladies, running back and forth between two rooms and giving them some sweet, sweet lovin' complete with an Australian accent. But then, some chick with a weird southern accent shows up! Now Phil's got three gals in three separate rooms to deal with. Thankfully for him, his pal Jimmy, played by John Holmes, shows up to help him satisfy the seemingly endless array of horny honies showing up on his door step. Holmes leaves his black socks on for every second of his screen time and lucky ol' Phil winds up in a three way with Jan and that foxy blonde.

    Suckula: Credited to director Anthony Spinelli, this 1973 feature begins when a news reporter named George Smutman (Buck Flowers!), from New York, tells us that there is vampire activity afoot and that they have 'film clips and on the spot interviews.' From there, we see a commercial for wet look lipstick narrated in a man's voice that turns into a blowjob scene and then from there we see some girl masturbate with a vibrator, again, as a commercial parody, this time 'Peen… by Sassoon.' After that? We get the aforementioned footage of the vampire in action, tinted red for maximum impact. It shows a guy in a goofy cape making it with a chick on his couch while some 'wah chicka wah wah' style guitar plays in the background. This is presented Nosferatu style, in sepia toned black and white with goofy intertitles. After that we see a black couple screw in bed after he expresses his dismay with the coffee she's given him (“Fuck your coffee bitch, give me some pussy!”). A direct descendent of Count Dracula is interviewed on camera, and then we get some more 'vampire' film clips - again with the tinted black and white footage and the intertitles, though after a bit of screwing it switches back and forth between that format and full color.

    After that, we visit Al Worthaton, a used car dealership owner played by Keith Erickson - his character gets his own theme song in another commercial parody. Sporting some dope sideburns, a red blazer and a dopey hat, he assures us that he can give you the best deal in town, while getting head from a sexy soul sister. From there? Another interview, this time with a woman who met a real, live vampire and then, yeah, more clips of the vampire, this time set to the music of Paul Simon's Like A Rock! This all leads up to the thrilling conclusion that we won't spoil here!

    This movie is bat shit crazy.

    The Big Snatch: From there, check this one out - an hour long feature starring all your favorites like Mike Maloney, Lee Fix and Joan Boote directed by one Mark Hunter! It starts with some inner city footage, showing off some sleazy theaters and what not. A streetwalker with loud shoes struts about and is promptly abducted by some sort of pervert - she urges him to 'Do it! Do it!' while he threatens to pull her tits off if she doesn't hand over the purse. They screw in the grubby alleyway - he leaves with the contents of her purse, and she lies there with a bloodied face. After that, we see why this guys mugs people - he just needs a fix! Also his name is Harry Keller. He's junkie scum. His pal shows up and asks him if he was responsible for the rape/robbery last night - turns out his victim was a member of the She-Devil Gang and they're out looking for him! He decides to lay low and hide out for a while.

    He heads over to visit some gal named Ruby, she gives discounts to her friends. He needs to hide out at her place and he tells her why. She calls him a sadistic son of a bitch. She has a client with a beard show up. They fuck, and it goes on for a while. After that she feeds her fish and then the She-Devils show up looking for Harry! Harry shows up shortly after and the girls get naked and molest him and some other dude. Lots of sex happens in various parts of the house for various reasons, none of which seem all that important. After that the girl who leads the gang makes Harry go down at (cap) gun point - without having douched in two weeks!

    The moral of the story? Don't rape people or mug them or their pals will rape you and shoot you in the face and even though you're dead, your eyes will still clearly move.

    Erotic Adventures Of Hercules: The final film on the second disc in this set opens with an unusually long scene where water washes up on the shore of a rocky beach, which cuts back and forth between a blowjob scene and some fire. Hercules walks to the top of a rock while some older guy pigs out on some food. The audio is harsh, it's tough to hear what's going on but topless chicks fan him and we learn he wants to take out Hercules. In fact, he occasionally dispatches an army to enslave him, but it never works. He eats a lot of chicken though. He and his guards get it on with some chicks, the post dubbed sound is ridiculous.

    Then the guy has some wine and sweet talks a blonde chick into helping him get Hercules. He wants her to use her feminine charms to gain his confidence and then bring him to his lair - in exchange she'll get lots of gold and jewels. Cut to more footage of wood burning on the shore for some reason. Is this Oregon? It looks kind of like Oregon. Hercules is still on that rock. He's been there awhile. A blonde chick approaches him and passes out before she can get to close - more burning wood! Hercules helps her out by letting her rest and then boning her - these are his erotic adventures, after all. He has a lot of cow skin décor in his pad. He passes out and wakes up chained to a wall - the guy who was eating all the food is skulking about, laughing a lot and talking shit. That gal's mission was accomplished! They torture him by making out in front of him, an orgy breaks out - poor Hercules, he can't join in - except he can, even though he's chained up, because ladies love his dong. The old foodie guy takes his time with the ladies. While he's playing with some pretty titties and getting some doggy style action, ol' Herc is resting .The orgiers pass out but Herc? He's wound up enough to break free and once he does, he steals that old guy's sword, kills him and then gets laid before returning to his preferred rock on the beach with some gems. Score!

    DISC THREE:

    Shot On Location: This one stars Lotta Mamri (you remember her, right?) and was written and directed by John Donne. The opening credits features an attractive lady laying naked on a red couch holding a film canister, some hand written credits and a bottle of booze. No idea who Ms. Mari really is but in reality, be on the lookout for Sandy Dempsey, Suzanne Fields and Rene Bond in various roles. Not surprisingly, Ric Lutz pops up here too.

    When it starts, a pool boy is encouraged to have a drink and oil up his foxy boss' back. He obliges her, mumbling something about cleaning dirty filters and then, rather predictably, they screw. Meanwhile, Ric Lutz is getting head from Rene, who plays his assistant. What does he do? He's a porno movie producer. Rene is in fine form here indeed. He takes care of business on the phone and she with her mouth. From there they talk about a scandal with an Italian film actress at the Cannes Film Festival and how to use that idea to con a guy with a weakness for young broads into doing things his way. Said dude is Lutz's boss and he does like the ladies. We see this when he auditions some chicks on his couch - but wait, one girl is a manager or something, the one auditioning is Sandy Dempsey and she calls him big daddy. Is that couch the red one from the beginning? Maybe. Meanwhile, some lesbians are going at it and doing what lesbians do best, which is rad.

    It turns out Dempsey's character, Hanna, is underage and that she's been a part of setting up the producer. The odd comedy sort of just goes from there but there's plenty of sex throughout and it's amusing enough. The only 'on location' footage we get is a scene where an Indian squaw and her pal take on some guys out in the desert but this is pretty entertaining regardless and Rene comes back for a bit more screen time in the last fifteen minutes or so.

    The Touch: A plane lands at an airport, as planes often do, in Las Vegas. A chick goes to a hotel and pays a visit to Mario (John Holmes) at his hotel room. She's not here to screw around, she wants to get down to business. Is he blackmailing her? He's got something on her that's for sure Turns out he's a drug dealer and he's going to coerce her into helping him unload a sizeable amount of a certain white powder that tends to traffic in certain circles for lots of money. But before that happens, Holmes gets the foxy French maid who shows up into his room for a little alone time.

    Meanwhile, another couple hang out in the bedroom and screw around. lots of great early seventies decor here as they bump and grind. Some other hippie types show up, they do some blow - one guess where it came from. It leads to a gang bang on a plaid couch. Holmes' plant does good work and once it's over, she heads back to Las Vegas with his money, but is she really going to just hand it over to him that easily?

    Nahhhh…. but this is a fun watch. Lots of sex, weird furniture and background decoration and Holmes before his lifestyle choices caught up with him does nice work. The girls are pretty too and one of them wears purple tights, which is kind of cool.

    Carnal-Go-Round: This one starts off with some location footage of what appears to be L.A., shot haphazardly from a car. A hooker meats some girl, they talk, then sex happens - not sure who these people are or what's going on as it's intercut with footage of our heroine talking smack to the camera first person style. But hey, sex on purple shag sheets is kind of cool, and dig those zebra print pillows!

    Then a guy who looks like Meatloaf shows up, he's got some girl in his castle-like living room as well as some other guy. They talk but the conversation isn't' particularly exciting or relevant. Or easy to understand. Then they have sex. But not before other people have sex in various locations. This is a look at the ribald lifestyles of various L.A. denizens but it's light on story and heavy one fucking. There's an orgy towards the end and the Meatloaf looking guy is kind of funny. Also one couple has sex on Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote sheets! HOT.

    All American Hustler: The story is kind of hard to follow because the audio is pretty bad here, but it is vastly improved in the audio and video departments over the previous release from Alpha Blue Archives covered here. A title card tells us we're in L.A. when the movie starts. We see a girl named Carol (Mickie Lynn) swim in a pool. A Dude shows up, they look at one another. She gets out of pool, they fuck. Credits play over top. They finish then argue. He is into other girls, she's not cool with that. She gives him money and kicks him out.

    At the airport some businessmen are having a fascinating conversation about how big the airport is. They are lined up with councilman Murphy, and then we see a guy with a big mustache talk to the girl, candy from opening, he might be Murphy. Hard to say cause the audio sucks. Carol meets another girl, Candy (Candy Kay), and they talk and then later they talk some more with mustache guy. One actress flubs her lines. She looks a bit older and feels responsible for Carol for some reason. From there, a black woman sings a song about being unlucky. She wears a polka dot dress and matching hat. Candy sings next, and then Carol shoots dope next door. Yucky needle breaking skin scene - blood! Ick.

    Dude comes to find candy in the shower. Joins her. They screw. Carol beds the head businessman, the one who was impressed with how big the airport was. They talk... and talk... and talk some more. Carol and Candy start hooking, make a bunch of money, and drugs are bad. Carol ends up at a cult compound of some sort. An orgy breaks out and a folk singer guy plays shitty song on a shitty guitar while an American flag flies behind him. I'm lost. Not sure what's going on anymore. The next day some annoying dogs bark a lot. Some girls talk. Candy tells Carol she is told she is being too negative. Oh yeah? She's going to show you just how negative she can be! She cries then goes back to her apt and showers... and slits her wrists. The end.

    Huh. That's not a very happy way to make a porno movie, now is it? The IMDB credits Michael Pataki as 'Carol's boyfriend' and the guy sure does look like him. Also some audio recordings of Richard Nixon are used at one point. This has a sort of avant garde style to it but it doesn't work so well. Tina Smith shows up in one scene though, and she's still kind of a fox. Some dude naked Huck Walker gets directing credit. Bonus points to Mr. Walker for trying to tell a gritty 'slice of urban life' style story, but this movie is just grim and hard to follow. It sounds like the audio was recorded in a cave and the dialogue and character names are pretty tough to keep straight for that reason.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    This stuff is all presented fullframe which is how it was shot. Quality is generally pretty good, the titles we've seen before definitely look more colorful and cleaner here than they have in the past, though plenty of print damage is still present. Colors look good and thee discs are well authored, no problems with compression artifacts.

    Dolby Digital Mono tracks are the order of the day, each one in English, there are no alternate language options or subtitles provided. Clary varies from one movie to the next but things sound fine for the most part. The movies demonstrate decent balance, just expect a bit of hiss and the occasional pop.

    There are no extras, just static menus and movie selection but the packaging for this sure is pretty.

    The Final Word:

    There's a lot of filth in this here boxed set and most of it is pretty rad. Not all of it, but most of it! If you're into low budget early seventies quickies made fast and cheap, this'll tickle you where you want to be tickled. Get into it.


























































































































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