• Christina



    Released by: Intervision Picture Corp.
    Released on: May 31st, 2016.
    Director: Paco Lara
    Cast: Jewel Shepard, Karin Schubert, Josephine Jacqueline Jones
    Year: 1985
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    The Movie:

    Christina Von Belle (Jewel Shepard) is a well to do socialite who plays at being an amateur investigator in her spare time. Apparently she does quite well at this as the narration mentions that in Europe a popular series of novels has been published detailing her adventures and accomplishments. At any rate, Jewel soon finds herself the target of lesbian terrorists (lead by Karin Schubert) who kidnap her in hopes of collecting a sizeable ransom from her insanely rich family. While in their care, Jewel is taken advantage of until she finally has enough and manages to escape on her own only to fall into the clutches of an equally reprehensible group of chefs who moonlight as smugglers. Jewel just can’t catch a break but soon, with a little bit of luck, she hopes to be able to turn the tables on her captors and who knows, maybe she’ll even learn a little something in the process.

    About as ridiculous as they come, Christina is never the less a completely entertaining trash film trying to hide behind some typically eighties looking soft cinemtography and fancy European locations. While as erotica the movie isn’t the rousing success that the ad copy on the back of the DVD packaging would have you believe, the movie is so chock full of odd, head scratching moments that it’s enjoyable regardless. It’s all very silly, but it makes for a fun enough time killer.

    Highlights from the film include the perpetually nude Jewel Shepard involved in various forms of copulation with male and female alike, highlighted with an oral resuscitation which she bestows upon an injured male playmate after a car race ends poorly. Mouth to mouth might have made more sense but rare is the man who will complain over the skilled technique she demonstrates here. Look for Karin Schubert (just months before she made the plunge into hardcore films) as the agitated leader of the lady terrorist group. Neither she nor Shepard are particularly skilled actresses but they’re exceptionally gifted when it comes to gettin’ it on, which more than makes up for the stilted delivery of the inane dialogue that the notorious Harry Alan Towers has provided with his script. Josephine Jacqueline Jones (of Black Venus) has a decent supporting role and does manage to emote a little more than the others but she’s still not going to make anyone’s top ten list. This Spanish-American co-production was presented uncut for the first time on DVD by Private Screenings years back, with all the simulated bumping and grinding completely intact, and hey, now it’s available on Blu-ray.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    The AVC encoded 1080p high definition 1.78.1 widescreen transfer is sharp with minimal print damage and nice color reproduction and things look pretty good here for the most part. There are no problems with edge enhancement nor are there any obvious instances of compression artifacts. Print damage only appears in the form of some small specks here and there and a scratch or two that pops up on the screen momentarily but none of that is distracting enough to really warrant complaining about it. This is a very nice transfer and there’s a fair amount of detail present throughout even if some scenes are definitely softer than others.

    The English language LPCM Mono soundtrack sounds nice and clear without any evidence of hiss or distortion present in the mix. The film's score comes through nice and clean and the sound effects and background music don't overshadow the dialogue at all. It's a pretty basic mono mix, but it sounds just fine. There are no subtitles, closed captions or alternate language dubs included at all anywhere on this release.

    Aside from a static menu screen and a scene selection option, the Intervision Pictures Corp. Blu-ray release of Christina is completely barebones.

    The Final Word:

    Christina is actually goofier than your average softcore movie thanks to the inept script but the film is saved by its interesting cast. This Blu-ray release, like the DVD that came before it, is barebones, but it does offer a nice upgrade in the audio and video departments. Jewel Shepard fans take note!
    Click on the images below for full sized Blu-ray screen caps!