• I’m No Virgin And The Lost Films Of Rene Bond

    Released by: Alpha Blue Archives
    Released on: 2017.
    Director: Alan C
    Cast: Rene Bond, Ric Lutze, Sandy Carey, Adam Ward, Jill Sweete, George Peters, Sunny Boyd, Starlyn Simone
    Year: 1971/1971/1975

    The Movie:

    The feature attraction, which clocks in at fifty-one minutes, opens with a couple fooling around in an old Ford Mustang while some jazz beebops around on the soundtrack. Turns out it’s a girl named Meg and her dad is watching her fool around with some dude through the living room window. She comes inside and he lectures her on her drinking while she downs a tumbler of hooch right in front of him. They talk about her mother’s health, how she should be in a hospital even though they can’t find anything physically wrong with her – Meg assumes her mother is ‘batty.’ They argue some more, about the mom and about the men Meg sees, and the dad almost hits her… but he knows that the mother is awake.

    Meg heads into the bedroom to visit her mother. They talk a bit about ‘the facts of life’ while downstairs dad makes a phone call. Then he goes and talks to the mother, whose name we learn is Martha, he complains about the daughter and the mother reminds him that he raped Meg and that he’s ‘sexually insane.’ And then the mom just dies!

    Meg and her dad talk about her staying around, they don’t have the money to send her to school. Meg isn’t interested, she wants to move out and get a job. And then drunken Meg shows her dad her breasts and teases him – to find out if he’s really sexually insane or not. Well, it turns out that he is and then he rapes her. Poor planning on Meg’s part, really. Not that she deserved it – clearly she didn’t – but it really wasn’t a smart move. At any rate, after she’s raped she kills the old man!

    From there, Meg heads off to college. She wants to concentrate on her future, not her past. A bunch of chicks who share a place need a roommate and Meg decides to move in with them. Her friend Hank (Adam Ward) reassures her that privacy won’t be an issue because ‘you’d think they invented sexual liberty.’ They head over to check the place out and meet the other girls (Rene Bond and Jill Sweete) and it’s then that she learns that these girls support themselves by sleeping with men who are willing to pay for it. Meg’s offended that her friend thought she’s be interested in this idea, until she meets the man of the house (Ric Lutz in a polyester jump suit!) who decides to audition her himself. They go at it while in the next room Ms. Bond fools around with Hank in front of the fireplace. After that another guy shows up and then everyone has an orgy. The end! Or is it? We won’t spoil the twist ending here, but it’s pretty nutty.

    There’s no director credit for this one, which isn’t shocking as there isn’t much directing going on. It’s fun to see Bond and Carey show up here, they’re both looking good, but the performances are fairly wooden. Carey gets more screen time than anyone else here and she isn’t the most convincing drunk. Regardless, she’s fun to watch. Bond really only gets one scene but she’s good in it. The sex here is all softcore but there are times where it comes close to hardcore. Very little style in terms of the camerawork, it seems like the cinematographer (if there was one) just set the camera up in one stationary position and let it roll, zooming in for an occasional close up now and then. At only fifty-one minutes this is an easy watch and the rape/incest angle is certainly strange and unexpected enough to make the movie stand out for that reason, but go in with tempered expectations. Great soundtrack though!


    Alpha Blue Archives brings I’m No Virgin to DVD framed at 1.33.1 taken from a print that is watchable if unremarkable in its quality. Lots of scratches and whatnot here, it definitely could have been cleaned up more. Colors are okay, not as faded as some vintage sex films tend to look on DVD but hardly restored in the least. Again, it’s watchable, just far from perfect. The screen caps below give you a pretty realistic idea of what to expect.

    The only audio option for the feature attraction is an English language Dolby Digital Mono track. There’s some hiss throughout and some jumps and spikes in the balance of the levels which occasionally makes the dialogue hard to make out. The score sounds alright though.

    ABA has also included three bonus features, each starring Ms. Bond, starting with Flaming Youth, a movie with no IMDB or IAFD listing and no opening or closing credits of any kind whatsoever (if anyone knows anything about this movie, feel free to email us and let us know so we can update this!). This fifty-six minute piece starts out with a brunette in bed with two guys. She doesn’t remember what happened last night and they decide to refresh her memory by doing it all over again – which means that they bang her while some weird surf guitar plays in the background.

    Ten minutes later we head to an apartment where a cute brunette goes pee – right in front of the camera. She finishes up and her beau moves up on her from behind and soon enough, they start going at it – first in the bathroom and then in the bedroom where they hump on the floor near the shoe closet. They finish up and an outdoor shot pans over to another building where we see a man editing a film. His girlfriend complains that he’s more interested in the film than he is in her. He tells her how the movie turns him on more than she does! She decides to shut him up by undressing – he keeps complaining as she tries to seduce him. After a bit of grumbling, he sees things her way and they screw.

    In yet another apartment, two guys show up in a woman’s pad to talk. The guy from the pee scene wants to get another apartment in the same building but doesn’t want his girlfriend to know about it. The other guy, I guess he’s the landlord, says as long as he pays the rent on time he’ll keep his mouth shut. Turns out #207 is free, so he goes to get the keys and while he’s gone, ward gets it on with the girl who has been sitting on the couch the entire time. Meanwhile, in another apartment (these apartments are all in the same building, in case that wasn’t clear earlier) a blonde guy gets cozy on the couch with a unusually masculine looking chubby silvery/blonde haired woman. As the movie continues, Rene Bond – looking fine in a pink mini dress and some white go-go boots – argues with her man (Ric Lutz) about how much of his money she spends on clothes. They bicker about her getting a job and she wisely decides to calm him down by screwing him. The end!

    This one is full on hardcore and full on plotless. There’s no story here at all. The subplot about Ward getting his own apartment so he can cheat on the girl who pees goes nowhere. That’s about as close as we get to a story. Otherwise, there’s nothing here. Having said that, most of the girls are pretty (the silvery/blonde haired lady being an exception, sorry!) and the sex is plentiful. The cinematography isn’t bad and the last scene with Bond and Lutz is actually really solid (say what you will but they had really good chemistry at this point in their respective careers).

    From there, it’s time for Never Enough directed by… someone… in 1971. Over the course of fifty-five minutes, we meet up with two foxy female hitchhikers that are picked up by some guy. Along the way to their place they pick up a third girl. Once they get there, he suggests that he get to hang out with a bunch of naked chicks – and they think that’s a great idea! Soon enough he’s playing around with all three of them while, unbeknownst to him, their pimp Harvey (George Peters) goes through his car, finds his wallet and clears it out. Then there’s some nonsense about Harvey bringing the guy into the stable, getting him to turn tricks too. He auditions him by letting him bang one of the girls, Holly (Sunny Boyd) again, but Nora (Starlyn Simone) joins in too.

    From there, we see another hitchhiker get a ride, this time from a married couple (Ric Lutz and Rene Bond) who drive her to Malibu only to get accosted by Harvey and another thug once they make their destination. He robs them and they take them back to the same cabin where the last screwing was happening. They get Holly to strip Lutz and screw him in front of Bond who gets screwed herself on the floor in the next room. The movie kinda goes on like that – a guy named Sam (Adam Ward) picks up some girls, they take him to the house for sex, and he has a three way. There’s a subplot where one of Harvey’s hookers wants out, she wants to quit the business and fall in love with one person, go straight. But who is she in love with? Why, Harvey of course! You can figure out what happens next. But before it’s all over, there’s a twist – the girls flag down a familiar looking car figuring they’re going to play this guy for a fool for a second time, only to find out he’s a cop. BUSTED!

    This one is okay. Rene is underused but the rest of the girls are cute so it doesn’t matter so much. The real star of the show, however, is George Peters as Harvey the pimp. He spends most of the movie wearing these giant brown sunglasses and pretending he’s too cool to care about anything except turning tricks and making money, but before it’s over, his heart will be warmed and he too will experience true love. Most of this is played for laughs more than anything else but there’s definitely enough pseudo-hardcore humping and pumping in this one to keep the horndogs happy.

    Last but not least is Alan Colberg’s Frankie And Johnnie Were Lovers, a sixty minute softcore picture from 1973. This opens with singing star Frankie Lee (Rene Bond) and her boyfriend Johnnie Ellis (Ric Lutz) in bed. He’s fed up with her coming home whenever she wants because she’s a big star. The truth is, he’s jealous because he doesn’t really know what to do with his life. He gets in his car and takes off, obviously upset, and heads to his job where he works as a computer programmer of some sort. And then, surprise, Frankie shows up at his job where his talking computer (???) hits on her. It seems Frankie’s recording session got called off and she wants to hang out and have some fun. They fool around in the computer lab and then she tells him ‘Oh Johnnie, you’re such a poo.’

    Then there’s a shitty edit and we see Johnnie in bed with a woman named Alice (Cyndee Summers), who just so happens to be Frankie’s best friend. Her husband Ray (John Barnum) comes home, catches him and beats the shit out of him. Alice tells Ray she wants a divorce and kicks him out. Then she and Johnnie go for a drive where he tells Alice he’s only seeing Frankie for the money that he needs to get thirty grand for a patent he wants to apply for. As Johnnie does what he can to keep the two relationships separate, he winds up getting into one mess after the next, though before it’s all over and done with at least he gets to sleep with Frankie and Alice at the same time!

    Somewhat famous for being the movie where we get to see Rene Bond sing live on stage, Frankie And Johnnie Were Lovers is a pretty fun piece of drive-in nonsense. The story is surprisingly engaging and the acting is okay, if never life changing But still… we get to see Rene sing with a giant pink feather boa wrapped around her head, which is strange enough to make it worth the price of admission on its own! This one was previously released as the second feature on Something Weird Video’s The Teaser DVD (which is long out of print but which probably looked better than this version).

    Rounding out the extras are a static menu and the Alpha Blue Archives Retro Starlets Trailer, showing off some of the other titles available in the line.

    The Final Word:

    I’m No Virgin And The Lost Films Of Rene Bond offers fans of the late, great adult film starlet the chance to see a few of her harder to find pictures on one disc. The presentation quality won’t blow anyone away but the four films on this disc are watchable enough and provide a decent mix of sex and entertainment.