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Schoolgirl Report, Vol. 1: What Parents Don't Think Is Possible

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    Ian Jane
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  • Schoolgirl Report, Vol. 1: What Parents Don't Think Is Possible

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    Released by: Impulse Pictures
    Released on: 3/13/2007
    Director: Ernst Hofbauer
    Cast: Gunther Kieslich, Wolf Harnisch, Helga Kruck, Friedrich Von Thun, Alexander Miller
    Year: 1970
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    The Movie:

    With the box office success of shockumentaries like Mondo Cane and various Swedish sex films in the late sixties, it only made sense when a crafty German production company named Rapid Film decided to combine the two. Thus was born the first of the many Schoolgirl Report films, What Parents Don't Think Is Possible. Purporting to be a somewhat serious examination of the frivolous behavior sweeping through girls during the years in which the sexual revolution was in full swing, it's basically some man on the street (or more specifically woman on the street) interviews spliced in between some saucy vignettes serving as re-enactments of sorts. It's all ridiculously goofy by today's standards and age has not been kind to the films supposed serious intent (though it's doubtful it was ever truly there in the first place - this is exploitation after all) but that doesn't mean that the film isn't worthwhile. In fact, while age may have hurt its legitimacy, on the flip side it has added plenty of unintentionally hilarious aspects to the picture by way of the fashions, the styles, the décor and the music that Germans of the late sixties considered cool at the time.

    The film's documentary style is set up when a cute eighteen year old schoolgirl wittingly seduces a male during what is supposed to be a regular, ordinary class field trip. When these events are found out, the Parents Association decides to essentially try the case. During this hearing, we learn about other similar events that have transpired in recent times, in order to explain to the members of the association that this case was not the only one of its kind.

    As these various instances, all involving schoolgirls, are explained we learn in vivid detail how they played out. A girl has a romp in the hay with two other girls, a girl studying gymnastics gets friendly with her couch in the locker room of the school, and three swimming lovelies help out a lifeguard in need at a local public pool.

    The impromptu interview snippets, which are done 'man on the street' style, are interspersed throughout the film as the man behind the microphone quizzes random young ladies on the street about their take on the promiscuity of young women in what was, at the time, modern society.

    None of the film is in the least bit educational nor is it particularly clever or revealing. It's simply a chance to hide some saucy softcore sexploitation underneath the guise of a serious and semi-educational film. Even with the fairly racy sex scenes, the film is still goofier than anything else. Age has not been kind to the hairstyles and the wardrobes, all of the ladies decked out in hippy/mod garb and one unusual looking bucktoothed interviewee sporting a fairly impressive frizzed out German-Afro (would that make it a Germfro?) and caked on blue-black eye shadow looks especially ridiculous. That being said, it's these same dated qualities that also make the film a lot of fun.

    As a documentary it's quite horrible but as a time capsule of the youth culture, or at least one production company's take on it, at the time it is quite invaluable. The film is paced well and the sex scenes are shot quite nicely. Don't go into this one expecting hardcore, you're not going to get it, but there's an ample amount of flesh and fur on display and for the most part the female cast members do all look quite nice in their birthday suits. The filmmakers are wise enough to play up on the supposed age of the girls in the documentary, playing up to the typical male fixation on the eighteen year girl and her supposed sexual trappings (modern porn proves this point and that this kink is still alive and well) and it must have worked. The film was a rousing box office success and it went on to inspire knock offs (Jess Franco's Virgin Report, available domestically from Image Entertainment, for one) and over a dozen follow ups under the Schoolgirl Report title before the thirteenth and final film was made in 1980.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    The film arrives on DVD in a surprisingly nice 1.66.1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. The opening credits and first few minutes of the movie look a little on the rough side but thankfully that problem clears up and for the rest of the movie the image is quite clean. Color reproduction is decent if a little subdued and there is some grain here and there but it's not a problem and there aren't any issues with mpeg compression artifacts or heavy edge enhancement to report.

    The audio for this release is supplied by way of a decent Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono track in the film's native German language with optional English subtitles that are clean, clear, easy to read and free of any obvious typographical errors. There's a bit of hiss here and there but it's never overpowering and you won't have any trouble following the dialogue. This isn't a reference quality track by any stretch but it is perfectly acceptable given the low-fi origins of the movie in question.

    Sadly, here's where the disc falls short - aside from a static menu and a chapter selection option, this release is completely barebones. Not a trailer, still gallery or supplement of any kind anywhere in site!

    The Final Word:

    Hardly as shocking today as it probably tried to make itself out to be when it was made, the first Schoolgirl Report is a kitchy mondo-style sexpose that holds up well as entertainment, if not as an actual documentary. Impulse's disc doesn't come with any fancy extras but it looks decent and sounds alright and for the first time it's available uncut with English subtitles.
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