• Love On Top Plus The Lost Films Of Starlyn Simone

    Released by: Alpha Blue Archives
    Released on: 2017.
    Director: ?/?/?/Richard Robinson
    Cast: Starlyn Simone, Sandy Carey, Eve Orlon, Casey Larrain
    Year: 1971/?/1971/1971

    The Movie:

    Love On Top, a seventy-six minute film with no opening credits whatsoever, starts off with some footage of ducks before then showing off golfers, horseback riders and tennis players – ahhh…. the life of leisure! Then we head into a townhome where a blonde woman lies in bed with her man. She wants action – she tells him she’s horny – but he’s not in the mood. He even gets up and leaves the room. Pshaw! This makes blondie sad. He heads downstairs to start his day while she goes to the bathroom and showers. Over breakfast she tells Bill that she’s staying at Janice’s this weekend. They talk about her mother, how she’s domineering, then blondie says she’s going to go shopping for her wedding dress. They bicker a bit – they haven’t set a date yet. She jokes about a tall handsome man whisking her away and he threatens her – ‘If I catch you with another man I’ll break your fucking neck.’

    She takes off and Bill hits the shower where he fantasizes about getting blowjobs – we see this in split screen, which is weird – and he jerks off. Then he calls a girl named Jackie (Starlyn Simone). He wants to meet up with her and she thinks it is far out and agrees with meet him with some company in half an hour. Cut to another blowjob and some smooth jazz. It’s an unnamed blonde (we don’t know her name) and she’s sucking off some dude. They talk, he lets himself out and tells her he’ll see her next week – just as Jackie calls to get her to ‘play Miss Innocent Teeny-Bopper.’ Before you know it, she’s dressed like a teenaged girl and has arrived at Bill’s place while some doo wop plays in the soundtrack. He gives her a drink and they make out. Then Jackie shows up and lucky ol’ bald spotted Bill gets himself involved in a nice three-way with more weird split screen and some light bondage action.

    And then Bill’s still unnamed fiancé shows up! The two girls grab her and tie her up and then they tie the other end of the ropes around Bill’s balls – OUCH - now she can’t move away of she’ll pull his nuts off. Bill complains that the girls are sick while the unnamed blonde girl makes a call to ‘get Wizard over here.’ The two girls keep dominating Bill while his fiancé looks on, helpless to do anything, until two sleazy dudes show up! One dude says ‘right on’ and the other guy gets the fiancé naked and then rapes her on the couch while everyone, Bill included, watches. The fiancé, being horny as we know from the opening scene, seems into it even if when she’s told to enjoy it she says ‘No way!’ Then the other dude has sex with Jackie. Eventually the two girls and the two sleazy guys leave the room and Bill addresses his fiancé as Betty. He asks her to untie him and she begrudgingly obliges, asking him what went wrong. But before it’s all over, there’s a twist!

    An enjoyably perverse roughie of sorts, Love On Top is grimy, sleazy and eminently watchable if you’re in the right frame of mind for this sort of thing. The story is basic and the acting is no great shakes but the last half hour with the bondage/home invasion/rape thing is so gleefully politically incorrect that you can’t help but appreciate it. It plays off like a triple X variant on the scene from Straw Dogs, but as they were made the same year (assuming Alpha Blue Archives’ 1971 production date is correct) it’s unlikely that there’s any connection.


    Alpha Blue Archives brings Love On Top to DVD framed at 1.33.1 taken from a print that is watchable if unremarkable in its quality. Lots of scratches and whatnot here, it definitely could have been cleaned up more. Colors are okay, not as faded as some vintage sex films tend to look on DVD but hardly restored in the least. Again, it’s watchable, just far from perfect. The screen caps below give you a pretty realistic idea of what to expect.

    The only audio option for the feature attraction is an English language Dolby Digital Mono track. There’s some hiss throughout, it’s a constant, but it’s not too distracting and at least you can hear all of the dialogue well enough.

    There are three bonus features here, the first of which is A House Is Not A Home, a sixty-seven minute long piece (again with no credits) that begins with a narrator discussing what happened during the death of a pimp named Diamond James Slater ('Reb' Sawitz). He dies surrounded by the whores in his employ – Mary (Staryln Simone), Sherry (Andy Bellamy), Terry (Sunny Boyd), and Hazel (Lagusa Bendova) - who leaves his estate and business to his son Tom.

    With that out of the way and the grieving over, we learn how Diamond once had an empire but, at the time of his death, had only one shabby whorehouse left. We then she how the girls show off the goods to one of Tom’s new clients as Sherry heads into the bedroom with some lucky dude. Across the street an old friend of Jim’s named Alan peeps in on the whorehouse action. Jim took care of Alan in his will, sending ‘one of the new girls’ over to take care of him, and then we see them go at it for a bit. After that, another hooker (Nora Wieternik) services a remarkably harry client, Mary gets it on with another chick (Eve Orlan) and then Hazel proves to Tom just how good she is at her job and why his father hired her in the first place... while wearing a fake nose, glasses and painted on freckles for some reason.

    From there, a john named Johnny haggles with Terry but relents and pays the twenty bucks for a romp in the hay. They make small talk and then screw on the bed and then he gives her a surprise he picked up for her when he was in Chicago – a necklace! She shows her appreciation exactly as you’d expect her to. Then Hazel entertains a john, again with the fake nose and glasses on, but – oh shit! – it turns into a three-way when the unnamed hooker played by Wieternik joins in. The end!

    Plotless but entertaining enough, this one is worth watching primarily for the female cast, all of whom are fetching enough. The girl/girl scene is the highlight of the picture but the straight scenes are well done too. Not much to the production, most of it takes place in the same few rooms, but it has a decent sense of humor to it, making it a watchable, if not necessarily remarkable, seventies porn film footnote.

    Up next is Wrong Way from 1972, clocking in at sixty-seven minutes. It’s about fucking bikers, man! The kind that jam on acoustic guitars and smash beer bottles on rocks. This particular group is out of pills and grass and none too happy about it. The leader of the gang talks like Jack Palance and damn it, he wants beer.

    Elsewhere, two girls break down on the site of a remote road in the middle of nowhere. They can’t get their overheated car fixed so when two of those bikers, now driving a truck, offer them a ride and tell them about a phone they can use and cold drinks they can have, they hesitate, but accept. Bad move, ladies – these guys are bad news! But before we get to that, Jack Palance guy gets stoned and fantasizes about a naked lady with a cowboy hat and a gun! Hey, we’ve all got our kinks.

    At any rate, the girls are brought back to hippie biker central and then abused and raped for a while. But the cops are on the case! They find the abandoned car and figure out what’s going on, but being useless like a lot of movie cops are, they girls are used a few times before they can make much of a difference. The cops send in helicopters, a guy in a samurai outfit tells one of the biker guys that they’re in grave danger because of what they’ve done with the girls, and lots of people say groovy. Starlyn shows up briefly and one of the biker guys called her ‘little miss sweet ass’ before raping her. It ends rather violently. Then the two abducted girls get into even more trouble, this time with some sort of wonky cult.

    Another twisted roughie made on a minuscule budget, this one is pretty sleazy stuff but definitely entertaining as a product of its time. It’s full of hype lingo and wacky dialogue. The girls look good, but almost (though not all) of the sex is of the non-consensual variety, which is understandably going to rub some the wrong way. Most of the movie is shot outside in what looks to be a California desert-ish location. The filmmakers clearly didn’t have a lot of money but they did put what they had up on screen. That counts for a lot. Also one of the bikers is named Crabs and he’s constantly scratching at his balls.

    Last but not least is Wives Will Play (also known as Adultery For Fun And Profit), a fifty minute short that starts off with an ass slapping sex scene where some dude with shaggy hair and his lady have sex on a bed under a red light. As they go at it some guy walks in, snaps a picture, and then splits. The audio here is awful, loud instances of reverb here are pretty distracting. Anyway, it turns out that the guy screwing the girl – who we learn is named Richard (Frank Harris) - makes his living by being hired by random men to seduce their wives, helping them settle their divorce cases out of court. Seven out of eight times, he gets what he needs, so he is quite successful.

    From there, we see him meet up with Mrs. Walters. He found her purse (her husband gave it to him) and now that she’s arrived to pick it up, she’s going to give him a reward… after they have some martinis, that is. Women talk to their lawyers about all of this, more sex happens under red lights (and near fireplaces!), and then the aforementioned lawyer (John Harris) tries to make trouble for Richard. Or does he? Maybe he wants to work with him! Richard then goes around screwing more married women, and at one point ends up in a shower orgy with another dude and two other ladies (George Peters, Starlyn Simone and Rainbow Robbins). Later the lawyer sends a foxy dark haired lady (Casey Lorrain) over to talk to him – she wants him to get a beautiful photograph that will allow her to divorce her husband – a gay man she knows is screwing around with other dudes behind her back! Richard protests, he’s never made it with another guy before, he’s not interested… until she offers to fuck him as well as pay him. She likes it rough!

    From there, he accepts the job and sets about setting up the gay husband, They get that photo, but once it’s all over? There’s a weird Maniac style ending where he confronts all the women he’s made it with over the course of his career… and they’re not really all that happy with him.

    Amusing enough in its own right, this one isn’t all that erotic, though the group scene in the shower is interesting in how it is shot and lit at least. Weird camera angles are at play here. The acting is so-so and the plot is thin but the gay twist at the end is unexpected, and while it never goes full hardcore (this could be a cut version – or maybe it was just never shown in the first place?) it definitely makes sure you know what’s happening. The twist ending is funny and appropriate, again making use of those odd angles. Made fast and cheap? Yeah, it looks that way, but there’s some creativity here that you have to admire.

    Aside from that we also get the Alpha Blue Archives Retro-Starlets trailer, menus and feature selection.

    The Final Word:

    Love On Top Plus The Lost Films Of Starlyn Simone offers up four genuinely obscure early seventies adult films in watchable, if unremarkable condition, Roughie fans will appreciate this one, as will the lovely Ms. Simone’s small but loyal fan base.