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Thread: What are you watching?

  1. #3391
    Senior Member Mark Tolch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex K. View Post
    Richard Jewell. An "okay" film. Something you watch one day when there's nothing on and it leaves the impression that it was okay. It was fine. It's nice that it exists to vindicate this guy.

    Thinner. I remember the trailers from back in the day. A shockingly camp Stephen King adaptation. Cliche as hell but it starts to do something interesting an hour in when the formerly fat guy turns to the mafia to help him.
    I saw Thinner in the theatre and HATED it. I think mostly because of the actor who played the lead, and his dopey fat-guy-fat-suit face. I should probably see it again.

  2. #3392
    Senior Member Mark Tolch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matt H. View Post
    Agreed about THE CROW, except I probably like it even less than you do. It's not a good movie and I think it's overpraised because of what happened to Brandon Lee.
    I loved it when it came out, I think starving for and glomming on to ANY kind of readily-available counterculture (if that makes any sense). Watched it a couple of years back, and was surprised at how bad I found it, and most of that is down to Lee's performance.

  3. #3393
    Pallid Hands Andrew Monroe's Avatar
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    HUNT THE MAN DOWN - Pretty nifty little B picture with Gig Young as a public defender who believes his accused killer client is innocent, searching for the real killer. Nice and tight at around 68 minutes and some familiar character actor faces in the supporting cast.
    I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

  4. #3394
    Senior Member Takuma's Avatar
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    Deathstalker (USA / Argentina, 1983) [VoD] – 2.5/5
    Watchable barbarian junk, weighed down by incomprehensible plot, cheap as shit production values and a completely charisma free mullet Rick Hill (where do they find these guys, gym?) as the hero. But it does have: a pig faced monster eating a pig head, naked lady 1, naked lady 2, naked lady 3 and so on, also severed head 1, severed head 2 etc., mud wrestling, and… you get the gist.

    Deathstalker II (USA / Argentina, 1987) [VoD] – 1.5/5
    Holy shit! Where did the cast for this one come from, a porn movie? Rick Hill’s mullet deserved an acting Oscar compared to everyone in this one. John Terlesky (who?) is the new Deathstalker (“is that first name or last name?”), Monique Gabrielle plays not one but two roles (I don’t know in which one she sucked worse) and there’s the pig faced monster eating pig head again (stock footage, actually). And my God, villain John La Zar (from Beneath the Valley of the Dolls) gives the worst piece of shit performance in the entire movie. The whole film is a joke, and it only makes it worse the filmmakers are aware of it. Half star from one good zombie scene and Gabrielle’s face and body.

    The Warrior and the Sorceress (USA / Argentina, 1984) [VoD] – 2.5/5
    Wandering warrior David Carradine plays Yojimbo with two rival gangs a tiny town. Carradine is a better actor and swordsman than most sword and sorcery or barbarian heroes; it’s just a shame the storyline is completely void of originality and invention. And the creatures are puppets that look too much like bloody puppets. Kudos from Maria Socas spending the entire movie topless (there’s also a four breasted stripper if two ain’t enough for you), but the film really rests on Carradine’s shoulders. The final duel, where he mixes swordplay and kung fu, is pretty good.

    She (Italy, 1984) - 3/5
    A goddess (Sandahl Bergman from Conan the Barbarian) walks into a cave full of boxes. Evil swordsmen jump out of the boxes and try to kill her, for no reason. Then a robot jumps out of a box and tries to kill her, for no reason. Then the robot's head explodes. This is one of the less bizarre, video game like challenges SHE encounters. But SHE is not really the main character because the story is about a guy looking for his sister, but HE ends up having much less screen time than SHE, although SHE no storyline of her own! Go figure. And you have to wait till the end credits to learn some of the main characters’ names! A completely nonsensical post-apocalyptic barbarian adventure, based on a book from which it reportedly borrows nothing. Not great cinema, but entertaining insanity, partly because it’s so nuts it’s 100% impossible to predict what the fuck will happen next.

  5. #3395
    Spoon! Dom D's Avatar
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    Zac And Miri Make A Porno. When I found out Kevin Smith made a comedy about a couple making a porno we obviously had to watch it. The setup takes a bit of getting your head around. They have no money at all so they are making a porno to get back on track. Here's me, reasonably financially stable, going heavily into debt to do the same thing. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Also no way Seth Rogen gets near Elizabeth Banks. My sense of creduility can only be stretched so far.

    It's the first of a few missteps. For instance, Justin Long is by far the best character in it and he's out of the film 15 minutes in. So much scope for him to own that movie... And there's that wierd attitude to female sexuality that makes Chasing Amy a hard watch. I'm sure Kevin Smith is a pretty liberal guy but he has this wierd tic that women kind of need to be pure to be acceptable to our main man. Feels a bit icky.

    But it has funny bits. Jason Mewes describing the simple pleasure of a good Dutch Rudder was a highlight. And Rogen is one of those guys, like Justin Bateman, who I find hilariously funny without being able to identify why... Meh... partial thumbs up. It's bettter than Clerks 2. Quote for the cover.
    "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

  6. #3396
    Quote Originally Posted by Dom D View Post
    ut it has funny bits. Jason Mewes describing the simple pleasure of a good Dutch Rudder was a highlight. And Rogen is one of those guys, like Justin Bateman, who I find hilariously funny without being able to identify why... Meh... partial thumbs up. It's bettter than Clerks 2. Quote for the cover.
    "Ah! By god's balls what licentiousness!"

    Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom.

  7. #3397
    Senior Member Takuma's Avatar
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    TNT Jackson (USA / Philippines, 1974) [VoD] – 2.5/5
    A Cirio H. Santiago kung fu / blaxploitation mash-up with plentiful nudity. Set in, but obviously not always filmed in, Hong Kong. It’s C-grade stuff with Jeannie Bell pretending she can do kung fu, but you kind of forgive her when she does it topless! Has some clumsy charm, and is better paced and has a more charismatic lead than Santiago’s inept Fly Me (the “Stewardesses vs. the world's most incompetent kung fu killers” film) from a year earlier.

    Wheels of Fire (Philippines, 1985) [VoD] – 3/5
    A surprisingly good Mad Max derivative with one-impression hero Gary Watkins chasing wasteland bandits who kidnapped his sister (’82 playmate Lynda Wiesmeier). The action is non-stop with occasional bits of originality, Wiesmeier frequently loses her top, and the acting isn’t that bad either (villain Joe Mari Avellana makes pretty solid b-film crook). And perhaps most importantly, the post-apocalyptic desert is lively enough with heroes, villains and strange societies to keep this a notch above the cheaper post apocalypse pictures. Director Cirio H. Santiago certainly has done worse films.



    The Sisterhood (USA, 1988) [VoD] - 1.5/5
    Cirio H. Santiago undoes any good post-apo vibes left by Wheels of Fire (1985) with this dull dud that may have been intended as a children's movie but ended up with an R-rating. In the future men have enslaved all women except THE SISTERHOOD aka two riders one of whom can move light objects with the thought of mind and the other who fires blue beams from her eyes. Yeah, really! Void of graphic violence and with only tiny glimpses of nudity (body doubles for the leads), this comes out as overlong, misguided picture best suited for little girls who like ponies, complete with an odd 80s video game musical score. It only comes alive at the end when the gals find a war wagon and assault rifles, enabling them to go girls with guns.

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